


the one wherein they piss off the Greek gods

by villiageidiot



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Confessions, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Memory Loss, Mission Fic, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recovered Memories, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Time Shenanigans, Truth Serum
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27790018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/villiageidiot/pseuds/villiageidiot
Summary: Alec and Magnus maybe accidentally upset the Greek gods when they may or may not be inappropriate on holy ground(applicable tags noted in each chapter)
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis & Alec Lightwood
Comments: 82
Kudos: 128





	1. Artemis (The Hunt & Chastity)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Artemis turns towards Simon and he shuts up instantly. Whatever look she gave him, Alec _has_ to learn it.
> 
> “She was – _is_ , my apologies – the goddess of hunt and archery. The bow and arrow were her tokens,” Magnus explains.
> 
> Her expression doesn’t change. “And chastity,” Artemis adds with a raised eyebrow. “I am also the goddess of chastity.”
> 
> Alec stills.
> 
> “Oh god, what did you do, Alec?” Jace says immediately. Apparently the ice-cold panic he felt at her words shot right through their bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for SHBingo 2020-2021  
> square: hunt  
> applicable tags: mission fic

“Don’t,” Alec says to Magnus, rolling his eyes. He closes the door behind them as they walk into the apartment. “You don’t know Artemis. That’s not a thing.”

“I didn’t say I _knew_ her, Alexander. I said she was quite beautiful.”

“Implying that you knew her, Magnus. I’ve been with you long enough to know when you’re bullshitting me about famous historical figures that you most certainly did not know.” He pauses and gives Magnus a pointed look. “Or sleep with.” Because that Michelangelo thing is complete fabrication.

“I didn’t say I slept with her,” Magnus says with a smile.

“Yeah, because she’s _not real_ ,” Alec replies. “She’s a made-up pagan god, Magnus.”

Magnus hums to himself and doesn’t respond, which indicates just how right Alec is. Magnus takes his jacket off and drapes it carefully over the couch, then begins to loosen his tie, and Alec can’t help but watch his hands. “I should take you to her temple. Or what’s left of it,” Magnus muses to himself. “It’s one of the original seven wonders of the world, after all, and every time you become a bit more cultured, well, we both know it’s a weakness of mine.”

The fact that Magnus is changing the topic is a clear sign Alec was right, but he can’t find it in himself to point it out, not now that Magnus has begun working on undoing the buttons on his sleeve and started in on the blatant flirting. “Uh, sure, fine,” he says, eyes following Magnus’ movements and not really paying attention to the conversation anymore.

“Really?” Magnus asks, face lighting up. “Turkey is beautiful this time of year; here, let me open a portal.” He snaps his fingers and suddenly, the tie is crisp around his neck again, his jacket is snug over his shoulders, every single button is secured, and Alec has goddamn _whiplash_.

“Wait, what, right now?” Alec says. “I thought we could –” 

But Magnus is already stepping through the portal and tugging Alec’s hand in his.

Moments later, it’s dusk outside, and he finds himself standing towards the edge of a clearing. It’s primarily mud and grass with a few stones scattered around, and something that almost looks like an ancient fire pit. There’s one remaining pillar and Alec finds the whole thing a bit underwhelming. He looks away from the rubble to watch Magnus, who’s looking at the barely-standing pillar like it’s otherworldly. Alec wonders when the last time Magnus was here, what this place looked like the very first time Magnus saw it, how Magnus feels when he returns to places that slowly decay while he stays the same. Alec also wonders if there are more people like himself out there, people that show up to one of the original seven wonders of the world but can’t pull their eyes away from the man they traveled there with.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Magnus says quietly, breaking Alec from his thoughts.

“Yeah,” Alec whispers, almost to himself, as he watches Magnus look around. “Beautiful.”

Magnus glances over to see Alec isn’t talking about the temple and smiles. “I was talking about the legendary temple, Alexander.”

Alec shrugs. “Two things can be beautiful at the same time.”

Magnus’s eyes flash yellow so briefly that most people would miss it, but Alec is too in-tuned to Magnus at this point to miss much. And that momentary drop of Magnus’ glamour – it’s the last straw for Alec.

“Come here,” he says quietly, reaching forward to pull Magnus into him. Magnus isn’t expecting it and he stumbles, propelling them both backwards a couple of steps. Alec keeps tugging until he finds his back up against something hard, then finally leans down to give Magnus a long-overdue, deep kiss.

Magnus kisses back for a moment, long enough for Alec’s mind to wander to the logical next steps, when Magnus laughs and breaks the kiss. “Alec,” is all he says.

“It’s getting dark,” Alec tells him, giving Magnus another kiss. “And there’s no one here,” he continues, followed by another kiss. “And I’ve missed you.” Another kiss. “And you – you’re _beautiful_.”

Magnus’ glamour drops again, this time for a few moments longer. “Alec,” he repeats, but the laughter is gone, now replaced by an intensity that makes Alec’s heart stutter.

Alec pauses, though, because he’s not about to coerce his husband into international public nudity on what might be the sacred grounds of a Greek goddess.

But the way Magnus is watching him – he looks at Alec like maybe _Alec_ is the god here. It’s a heady feeling, and the way Magnus loves him, treats him and _wants_ him, it’s something Alec is still getting used to. He feels himself relax slightly when Magnus wraps his hand around the nape of Alec’s neck and pulls him down for another kiss, one that has lost all of the innocence of the kisses before it. There’s heat; there’s intent, and Alec almost stumbles under the weight of how much he loves this man. Or maybe it’s the weight of how much Magnus loves him back; Alec can’t be sure.

They pause briefly when the pillar maybe-moves, but when they see it’s still standing and probably stable, Alec spins them around to press Magnus up against it. He lays his palm on Magnus’ chest and rests his forehead against Magnus’. “I love you,” he says softly.

“I love you, too, Alexander,” Magnus whispers back.

“Let me show you how much,” Alec whispers with a smile.

So he falls to his knees and he shows him.

*

The whole ‘semi-public possibly-sacrilegious international partial-nudity’ is all but a memory a week later when the nightmare begins. A good memory, but still.

Alec is following Magnus into the apartment, with Izzy, Jace, Clary, and Simon behind him. It’s been awhile since the others have been in Alicante, and it’s one of the first times Clary has visited since she’s slowly started regaining her memories, so Magnus insisted they stay for dinner.

As the door closes, Magnus freezes in front him and Alec follows his gaze to the woman on the couch.

“And you might be?” Magnus asks her. He sounds almost casual, but Alec can tell he wants to know how this stranger got into their house and past his wards.

She rises slowly from the couch, face expressionless. She’s severe looking, hair pulled tightly into a low bun and with distinctly stern features: sharp cheekbones, pointed nose, rigid jawline. She doesn’t smile. “I’m Artemis,” she says plainly.

“Artemis,” Magnus echoes. And the name clicks for Alec.

“Artemis?” he repeats, skeptical. For a brief moment, he wonders if Magnus would really go this far just to prove a point about a conversation a week ago, but then she deftly pulls out a gold bow and arrow.

“I trust this proves my lineage?” she asks Magnus pointedly.

Alec isn’t sure what that’s supposed to mean but Magnus gives pause.

“That is a way nicer bow than yours, Alec,” Simon says from somewhere behind him. “Is it pure gold? How heavy is that? Is it actually operational, or primarily symbolic?”

Artemis turns towards Simon and he shuts up instantly. Whatever look she gave him, Alec _has_ to learn it.

“She was – _is_ , my apologies – the goddess of hunt and archery. The bow and arrow were her tokens,” Magnus explains.

Her expression doesn’t change. “And chastity,” Artemis adds with a raised eyebrow. “I am also the goddess of chastity.”

Alec stills.

“Oh god, what did you do, Alec?” Jace says immediately. Apparently the ice-cold panic he felt at her words shot right through their bond.

Alec is silent.

“This boy committed acts of fornication at the site of my oldest, purest temple,” Artemis answers for him.

And then the entire _room_ is silent.

“Alec?” Izzy says finally. “You’re talking about _Alec_ having sex in a temple? I think you’ve got the wrong guy.”

Alec sighs. “We weren’t _in_ a temple; it’s not like we were inside some holy house of worship –”

“Wait, so you were outside? You had sex _outside_? Like where people could see you?” Jace asks with a hint of admiration. “Damn, Alec, didn’t know you had it in you.”

“He doesn’t. No way,” Izzy says with a skeptical look. She must see something on Alec’s face, though, because she slowly starts to smile. “Wait, _do_ you?”

Artemis gives Jace and Izzy a hard stare. “You think it is amusing?”

Simon raises eyes his eyebrows. “Lady, you try keeping these two from being like… you know, this,” he says with a wave in their general direction. “This is just how they are, all day, every day.”

“Well, I think it’s beautiful. I love how much you two love each other,” Clary says with a sweet smile. “Although, wow, public indecency. That’s new.”

Artemis looks between Clary and Simon, narrowing her eyes. “You are both aware of their deviant nature?” 

“It’s not deviant–” Alec starts, then looks to Magnus, who has a faintly amused smile and does not help _at all_. “Seriously, you’re not going to say anything? Tell her, tell them, that we weren’t – they make it sound so vulgar.” Because it wasn’t; it was anything but vulgar. It was honest and intimate and real, a moment of closeness between two people that love each other deeply.

Artemis eyes him. “Boy, shall I remind you what your mouth was –”

“Okay,” Magnus interrupts, _finally._ “I think we all have an idea where this is going.” When Artemis is quiet again, Magnus looks at her sincerely. “I apologize for our… indiscretion. I assure you we meant no disrespect, but I do understand why you may feel we violated your holy ground. How can we make this right?”

Artemis observes all six of them, consideringly. “I think… you will participate in a hunt.”

“Wait, what?” Simon says.

“For your perversion of my holy temple,” she says, with a pointed look towards Magnus and Alec, “And for your complicity,” she says to the others.

She snaps her fingers and they’re all suddenly standing in a circle in the middle of a dense forest, with Artemis in the very center.

“What the fuck,” Jace says quietly, looking around and trying to maintain his balance.

Alec immediately searches for Magnus, who he finds right next to him and who now looks very, _very_ angry.

Izzy pulls out her whip as Jace grabs his seraph blade and they both move towards Artemis from opposite sides of the circle. Artemis quickly snaps her fingers, though, and Alec watches as both of their weapons start to burn white-hot until they’re forced to drop them onto the muddy forest floor. Alec’s arm freezes as he reaches back to grab an arrow and he lets it fall back to his side.

Clary doesn’t reach for her kindjal daggers but leans forward like she’s ready for combat. “So what are we hunting?” she asks, a steel edge to her voice that Alec hasn’t heard in a long while.

“You misunderstand,” Artemis says with her first smile. “You will be participants in the hunt. Your transgressions require punishment; don’t you think?”

“Why are you looking at me?” Simon asks, wide-eyed. “I wasn’t the one who fooled around in your holy temple!”

Artemis doesn’t acknowledge him. She snaps her fingers one last time, freezing Magnus’ hands in midair before he can throw a burst of magic at her. 

“I think you may be overreacting,” Magnus tells her, hands flexing involuntarily. He sounds calm but Alec can hear the thin current of impatience and distaste running through it.

Artemis ignores him. “Good luck,” is all she says with one final snap of her fingers.

And then she’s gone and the six of them are standing alone in the middle of an unknown forest god-knows-where. Izzy and Jace reach down to grab their weapons, and Magnus tests his magic by creating a ball of light, rotating it in his hands. Inexplicably, Alec chooses this moment to remember the first time he saw Magnus wield his power like this, back when Magnus was doing some kind of tai chi on his patio while Alec stumbled over an apology.

Alec swallows thickly and thinks –

“Stop,” Jace says vehemently, stalking towards Alec and pointing a finger at him. “That’s apparently what got us here in the first place.”

Alec’s blinks at him. “What, I –”

“Don’t,” Jace says, who clearly has no tolerance for any of this shit right now. “I can feel what _you’re_ feeling, asshole, and you need a cold shower.”

“I didn’t –”

Alec meets Magnus’ eyes, who’s giving him knowing, teasing smile, who’s _instigating_ and enjoying it.

“Stop,” Jace orders, voice still forceful, now pointing at Magnus. “Seriously, separate these two while we figure out how to get the hell out of here.”

Right then, they start to hear a distant howling.

“So, Artemis,” Simon starts, looking around. “Is she the one with the snakes or the one with – wait, did one of them have dragons?”

“Dogs,” Magnus answers, surveying the perimeter of the clearing. “And bears, I believe.”

“Oh, just bears and a pack of wild dogs,” Clary says, feigning casual. “This should be easy.” She grips her blades tightly and Alec is suddenly hit with a wave of sentimentality. They’re lost in the woods being targeted by a vengeful pagan god and Clary’s trying to be positive. _It’s… nice_ , Alec thinks.

The howling gets closer, coming from Alec’s left, and it’s joined by some low growling from his right. “We’ll split up: Jace, Clary, you go right and take the bear; the rest of us will take the dog pack.”

After a pause, Jace says, “Alec, that sounds like more than one bear.”

Alec looks over to Magnus, hesitant.

Magnus nods, answering the question Alec doesn’t want to ask. “I’ll go with them and find you once we’re done.”

Izzy and Simon head off into the trees and Alec moves to follow them. He takes one last look at Magnus first, but before he can fully turn away, Magnus grabs his arm and stops him. “Don’t you dare do anything reckless,” he says, voice sharp.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Alec says with a lopsided smile. Magnus doesn’t respond but instead does that thing where he wraps his hand around Alec’s neck and tugs him down for a kiss. This time it’s Alec that pulls back after a few moments, mostly to put an end to Jace’s annoyed commentary, and he feels a bit smug when he catches Magnus still staring at his mouth.

“Be careful,” Alec says quietly, then starts to jog after Izzy and Simon. There’s a brief surge of validation when he realizes he’s not the only one that gets distracted by his husband in inopportune moments.

By the time he’s caught up to his sister, she and Simon are surrounded by a pack of hunting dogs. The three red dogs have fixated on Izzy, who looks ready to strike with her whip hanging loosely by her side. Simon looks panicked while the two black-and-white dogs position themselves on either side of him, and he bares his teeth. The spotted dog paces until it hears Alec burst through the trees, then suddenly turns its sights on him and displays a full set of pointed, well-used teeth, saliva slowly dripping from the corner of its mouth.

“Dammit,” Alec says under his breath. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to do this. They’re dogs, not demons, and their only crime is loyalty to an ancient goddess. And if there’s one thing Alec Lightwood understands, it’s devoted loyalty. He reaches to grab an arrow from his quiver then nocks it onto the bowstring, but he hesitates and the dog stalks even closer.

Izzy’s shout causes Alec to look up, though he continues to watch the spotted dog out of the corner of his eye. He’s missed what happened and tenses as Izzy walks cautiously over to a motionless dog lying a few feet from her. Alec notices that there’s no blood in sight and eventually relaxes when the dog remains still while she hovers over it. “Don’t shoot, Alec!” she calls out. “The electrum is just stunning them!”

Relief washes over him and he meets Simon’s gaze. Simon seems to know what Alec’s trying to convey because he nods then starts running circles around the dogs, using his vamp speed to edge them closer and closer to Izzy and her whip. Alec stays on the outskirts of the circle and, when needed, shoots a few arrows into the darkness to keep them near Simon.

“Alec!” Simon calls. “That one almost hit me!”

Alec rolls his eyes because he knows how to use a damn bow and arrow, but he doesn’t say anything because he may or may not have brought this upon all of them in the first place.

Eventually, there’s only one of the red dogs left, apparently able to withstand more of the electrum than the rest of the pack. It continues to lunge at Alec, who finds it increasingly difficult to simultaneously avoid the dog’s teeth and Izzy’s whip. It must catch a mouthful of Simon because Alec hears a few choice expletives before Izzy finally manages to subdue it.

As soon as the dog falls into a heap just feet from where Alec’s lying in a pile of mangled grass, Alec performs a quick scan. Izzy is hunched over and sweating while Simon pulls at his own arm, trying to catch a glimpse of the tooth punctures on his shoulder.

“Let’s find the others,” Izzy says after she catches her breath, pushing hair out of her face. “We should make it quick; I don’t know how long they’ll stay down.”

Simon helps Alec up and they run back towards the direction they came, but Alec can’t hear anything: no growling, no fighting, not even the familiar sound of Magnus’ magic. He pushes through dying twigs and barely dodges a few low-hanging branches, occasionally slipping on hidden pools of mud. Alec can’t feel much through the bond, not terror or pain or panic, only hints of annoyance and frustration. Alec chooses to find comfort in that because clearly the others are fine, but he knows he’ll be unsettled until he actually _sees_ Jace and Clary in front of him, until he actually feels Magnus’ skin under his fingers. Before long, they finally find themselves in the middle of the clearing again, where the others have already gathered. Jace and Clary look filthy, both bent over and heaving. Magnus is on guard as soon as Alec, Izzy, and Simon push through the trees, but he visibly relaxes the moment his eyes meet Alec’s.

“Alexander,” he says on an exhale.

“You’re okay?” Alec asks, eyes raking over Magnus for any sign of injury.

“Fine, I’m fine. Your parabatai is quite the gymnast.”

Jace glances up to shoot Magnus a dirty look, but Alec doesn’t ask for the details, doesn’t actually care.

“Magnus, can you open a portal here? Wherever here is?” Simon asks, as out of breath as the others.

He shakes his head. “I’ve tried. Maybe if I can work out where we are, if this is possibly another dimension –”

But before he can finish, the six of them are thrown right back in the middle of the apartment. Bloody, muddy, and sweaty, standing in the middle of the room.

“What the hell?” Jace says, looking as unbalanced as Alec feels.

“I suppose I should congratulate you,” Artemis tells them from the doorway of his bedroom. “You’ve performed admirably.”

“Get out of there,” Alec demands.

“Yeah,” Simon says under his breath. “If you don’t like what they did in your temple, I’m sure you’ll take issue with what they do in there.”

“Why do you not contain your lewd hedonism to the privacy of your bedroom?”

Alec clenches his jaw, internally bristling at _lewd_ , because that’s so far off-base.

“Okay, lady, cut him some slack, will you?” Jace interrupts. “Alec was a virgin until like fifteen minutes ago, so he’s making up for some lost time.”

Alec turns towards his traitorous parabatai and narrows his eyes. “Very funny.”

Artemis gives him an assessing look. “A virgin?”

“No,” Alec answers, flatly.

Jace shrugs. “I mean, basically.”

“No, not _basically_ ,” Alec says. He thinks about elaborating, about defending himself, but it’s no one’s business and their opinions are irrelevant, so he doesn’t.

Artemis is still eyeing him. “How _old_ are you?”

And Alec is just – he’s so over this entire conversation, this whole night. “Okay, everyone. Get out.”

“I mean, what were you, twenty-five?” Simon asks, suddenly intrigued. “That’s – that’s pretty intense, man.”

“What does it matter?” Alec asks them, moving from annoyed to legitimately frustrated. “I’m not ashamed about the fact that I –” Alec looks towards Magnus, who’s watching him with an expression that Alec can’t quite place, and locks eyes. “That I waited until I met someone important.” There are a lot of things he wants to add but he still doesn’t feel the need to justify himself. Yeah, he married the only man he ever slept with. He’s not ashamed of that; he’s fucking _proud_.

Magnus smiles at him, but it’s not flirty or pleased or amused; it’s almost a little sad.

The room is quiet. Alec can tell that everyone is watching him watch Magnus, but he doesn’t care.

“Well I suppose that counts for something,” Artemis says with a small smile and in a tone much gentler than it’s ever been.

Alec finally breaks Magnus’ gaze to look at her, unnerved. “What does that mean?”

She hums to herself then raises her chin, looking to each of them with a haughty smile. “I commend you for your victory in the woods.” She pauses, looks to Alec and says, “Stay away from my temples.”

Artemis snaps her fingers and disappears before Alec can reply.

“What the fuck,” Jace exhales.

Alec looks around the silent room to watch everyone still reeling. They’re all caked in mud, Clary is bleeding from her lip, and there are two claw marks on Simon’s bicep still bleeding. All because Alec couldn’t keep his hands off his husband. “Look, I –” he starts.

“Well,” Magnus interrupts, sounding more upbeat than he should. “Who wants a drink?”

Jace sighs. “You need to explain what the hell just happened, which I think involves descriptions of sex acts my brother performed in a goddamn temple, so yeah, I think we’re all going to need some drinks.”

*

“So I almost got mauled by a bear because you couldn’t keep it in your pants?” Jace asks him, finishing at least his third beer.

“That’s not even close to what I said,” Alec answers. He’s barely touched his drink, which means he’s entirely too sober for the conversation he knows is coming.

Simon cocks his head. “I mean, it’s kind of close to what you said.”

Alec is quiet and looks over to Magnus for help. Magnus, who watched with interest and amusement as Alec stumbled through the story about the… _incident_ in Turkey, and is now casually sipping his drink.

“It’s _slightly_ –” Magnus starts.

“No,” Alec interrupts, eyebrows raised. “No, you do not get to put this all on me.”

“I wasn’t going –”

“You were _there_ ,” Alec reminds him, narrowing his eyes. “You were… involved.”

“Fair point,” Simon comments, looking towards Magnus. “It does take two to tango.”

“Oh, tango?” Jace asks. “Is that what we’re calling it now?

Izzy sighs. “Okay, can we please focus? Her sudden disappearing act, it was weird, right?”

“Izzy, this whole _night_ has been weird. Can we just keep getting drunk and deal with it in the morning?” Jace sighs, sounding defeated.

She hesitates and stares at the half-empty pink drink in her hand. Isabelle glances towards Alec, shrugs, and downs the rest of it. She looks immediately pleased with her decision when it fills back up again, and she gives Magnus a bright smile.

It’s a terrible plan, they all know it, and a few years ago, there’s no way Alec would have gone along with it. But he’s physically exhausted, mentally drained, and there’s an ache to just _touch_ , to _be_ touched. So he grabs his drink, sits next to Magnus on the couch, and lets him interlace their fingers. It’s an innocent gesture, but the tension rolls out of him in one sudden wave.

Hours later, when Jace and Simon start bickering about mundane football and after Clary and Izzy start laughing and crying about no one discernible thing, Magnus opens a portal and sends them all home. He heads out to the patio and tugs Alec along with him until they’re both leaning on the wall, looking over the city.

“You know, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Alexander,” he says as he gently wraps a hand around Alec’s wrist.

“Embarrassed?” Alec asks, confused.

“We’re married; I think they all know we’re intimate.”

“You think I’m embarrassed?” Alec says, raising his eyebrows.

Magnus cocks his head thoughtfully. “You just seemed… uncomfortable.”

“Because that was _our_ moment, Magnus,” Alec explains, voice more forceful than he meant. “It belongs to me. Us.”

Magnus is quiet and Alec doesn’t know how to explain himself properly. His relationship with Magnus is _his_ ; Alec earned those moments and he doesn’t always want to share. He’s put a lot of time and energy and love into bringing down Magnus’ walls, so he’s earned the version of Magnus that no one else gets. And Magnus – he fought for Alec; he gives Alec everything, selflessly and constantly. He deserves a realer version of Alec than anyone else.

“I see,” Magnus says finally, and he turns to look at Alec with such open honesty that Alec thinks maybe he _does_ , even without Alec’s explanation.

“That’s for you,” Alec tells him quietly as he turns towards Magnus, shifting into his personal space. “That part of me, that’s only for you.”

Then Magnus does that thing again, that thing where he tangles his fingers into the hair at the nape of Alec’s neck, and smiles up at him, and gives him this soft look that no one would ever believe the son of a Prince of Hell was even capable of giving, and waits for Alec to lean down and kiss him.

And Alec does, of course he does, because it’s a move that he’s never been able to resist.

“I’m sorry,” Alec says after they break apart.

“Alexander,” Magnus says softly, fingers still woven through Alec’s hair. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I kind of do,” he argues. “I put everyone in danger and –”

“ _We_ ,” Magnus clarifies. “I was there, too, you know. And I don’t regret a single moment.”

“I know,” Alec sighs. “I just…”

“Look, we’ll brush up on some Greek mythology in the morning, okay? We’ll make sure we’re prepared in case she decides on a return visit.”

Alec hesitates because they probably shouldn’t push this off but he eventually nods. “Sure.”

“Shall we head to bed then?” Magnus asks with a coy smile, eyes flashing yellow.

Alec blinks. “That’s cheating,” he says, voice low. As he leans down to press a soft kiss to Magnus’s exposed neck, he thinks, _there is nothing lewd about this_.


	2. Aletheia (Truth)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec’s stomach drops. “Did you spike my drink?” He glances around to the other drinks on the table and sees the untouched water in front of Clary, the barely-touched glass of wine in front of Izzy, and the almost-full beers in front of Simon and Jace. Magnus’ martini is about half-full, which makes Alec panic for a minute because _if she did something to Magnus…_
> 
> “Of course not,” she answers, looking offended. “Just added a bit of flavor.” She holds up an empty vial and shakes it gently.
> 
> “Yeah, that’s what spiking means,” Simon tells her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for SHBingo 2020-2021  
> square: truth serum  
> applicable tags: truth serum, confessions

“These Greek gods are not very… forgiving,” Alec tells Magnus the next morning. They’re sitting outside on the patio on the couch, Alec’s legs propped up on the ottoman while Magnus sprawls out across the length of the couch, feet in Alec’s lap. He’s scrolling through some files on his tablet while Magnus flicks through the pages of a tattered-looking book, pausing to read intently every few pages. He had assumed it was some sort of spell book but based on Magnus’ scattered _hmms_ and sighs, he wonders if it’s some kind of weird dictionary of ancient mythological deities instead.

“No, they weren’t,” Magnus says, looking up. “They were known to be petulant and vindictive, and their retribution was unrelenting.”

They watch each other for a few moments, and Magnus’ soft look, smudged eyeliner, and bedhead makes Alec want to climb across the couch and drape himself over his husband, maybe even fall back asleep as he listens to the steady beat of Magnus’ heart. What he does _not_ want to be doing is searching through archives of Institute records on a Saturday morning, confused and aimless and just completely in the dark.

Magnus gives him a smile then looks back down at his book.

“Magnus,” Alec sighs after a moment. “I don’t even know what we’re trying to find. I’ve spent almost an hour looking through this and all I’ve found are a few stories that may or may not just be hearsay fairytales.”

Magnus glances back up and frowns. “I’m not finding much either. Mainly descriptions of their powers, not anything about what to do if one wants to, say, exact revenge for perverting their holy ground.”

Alec doesn’t comment on _perverting_ but gives him an unimpressed look.

“I’m joking,” Magnus says, frown disappearing. “But the point remains.” 

After a moment, Alec makes a decision and puts the tablet onto the side table. “We don’t know what we’re looking for, or if we even need to be looking for anything in the first place.”

“True, but I thought you’d want to be prepared in case she makes a reappearance; that’s all,” Magnus says.

“I do,” he replies, shrugging. “But I don’t think we can be. I don’t think anyone has ever dealt with a vengeful, mythical pagan god before, so we might be on our own.”

Magnus watches him carefully then leans forward to hand Alec the book so that he can place it on the table alongside the tablet. Alec takes care of it but then tugs at Magnus’ silk robe until he tumbles awkwardly into Alec’s lap, laughing.

“Well, Alexander, aren’t you friendly this morning?”

Alec doesn’t say anything, just holds Magnus there for a few moments.

Magnus allows himself to be pinned to Alec’s chest but quietly says, “Let’s get some fresh air and take a walk, share a cup of that flavored coffee you love so much.”

“Not yet,” Alec answers, just as quietly. “I’m not in the mood for coffee.”

Magnus manages to pull back for a moment to meet Alec’s gaze, raising his eyebrows. “Oh? What are you in the mood for?”

Alec grins then stands, pulling Magnus up with him. He leans down to finally _finally_ kiss him this morning, and deftly maneuvers them back to the bedroom. He’s been struggling to get this whole maybe-vengeful-god thing out of his head, and it bothers him, not knowing what comes next or what to do. But there’s one thing that always manages, without fail, to clear his head and let him ignore the world.

*

Two hours later, after his head has been cleared and the world has been successfully ignored, Alec walks alongside Magnus on their way for coffee. Their hands brush a few times before Alec finally pulls Magnus’ into his own. Because he can. Because he wants to and he _can_. Magnus gives him a startled glance but looks pleased, and Alec is always a little caught off-guard when that happens. He’s not shy about their relationship, definitely not shy with his words, and god, they’re _married_ , so every time Magnus looks pleasantly surprised by something Alec says or does, it throws him off for just a minute.

“You okay?” he asks.

Magnus continues to give him the pleased smile and answers, “Perfect.”

Alec gives him the crooked smile that he knows Magnus likes and slows their pace. He likes to savor these moments.

They finish their leisurely walk to the outdoor cafe and Alec finds them a seat while Magnus orders their coffee. It’s pretty packed but he finds an empty table next to a pained-looking woman who Alec has never seen before. She’s dressed sharply in snug, crisp white capris, a well-pressed white button-up collared shirt, and narrow-toed white heels. She’s rubbing her temples and has her head in her hands, with her long, high ponytail hanging down and obstructing most of her face.

Alec thinks about asking if she’s okay but she abruptly glances up as he passes by, and the assessing look she gives unsettles him, so he decides against it.

Magnus joins him a few minutes later and for a bit, Alec is acutely aware of the woman’s gaze. Eventually, though, he tunes her out and he falls into the rhythmic cadence of Magnus’ voice as he tells Alec a story about the thing with Catarina and the duchess-of-something and a bowl of creamed corn. It might be partially fabricated but Alec rarely cares when that happens. The way Magnus lights up when Alec laughs or smiles is always worth it.

He doesn’t realize how much time has passed until he looks around and notices most of the tables have cleared out, though the woman in white is still seated. She’s also still rubbing her temples but she looks less miserable than earlier. She meets Alec’s eyes and gives a small smile and wave. 

“Are you okay?” he asks, loud enough for her to hear him from a few tables away but not so loud as to disturb anyone else. Magnus looks started then turns to follow Alec’s gaze.

“I’m fine, thank you,” she says in a voice that makes her sounds so much younger than she looks. “It was just so… loud.”

Which makes no sense to Alec, because none of the coffee-drinking patrons at the tables earlier were particularly vocal, most of them playing on phones or working on laptops. But he doesn’t say anything. Something about her is just… off.

“But you two,” she says with a relieved sigh, “You two are blessedly quiet.”

“Quiet,” Alec echoes, raising his eyebrows. He and Magnus have been talking since they got there and Magnus’ voice definitely raised once or twice for dramatic effect.

“Yes, quiet,” she confirms. “I like you two. Not what I expected. I’m sure the others will agree.”

Alec narrows his eyes, suspicious. “What others?”

“What did you expect, may I ask?” Magnus asks. His voice is deceptively calm but Alec knows he’s already uneasy.

She doesn’t answer either of them, just gives an enigmatic smile and rises gracefully from the chair. “I’ll see you soon.” She pauses to give Alec a soft look. “And thank you for asking if I was okay. Most people wouldn’t have bothered.”

Alec gives a nod of acknowledgment but doesn’t know how to respond. She’s gone before either of them can ask anything else.

He immediately locks eyes with Magnus, who looks more worried than he probably means to let on.

“Okay, which Greek goddess dresses is all white?” Alec asks in a rush.

*

“All of them,” Simon tells the group as they sit around a table at Hunter’s Moon. “Like every single goddess is described as dressing in all white at some point.” He’s staring at his phone, scrolling and shaking his head. “Wikipedia is super unhelpful.”

Alec stares at his empty glass of whiskey and can’t stop his mind from racing. Some of these gods and goddesses are straight-up psychopaths, so he can’t fathom what this one will have in store. On one hand, the lady in white seemed sweet enough, but on the other hand, Simon told them a story about gods like, eating people.

“I mean, some of them seem okay,” Jace says as he flips through a few pages of the book Magnus brought with him. “Look at this guy; he likes wine and parties. Maybe he’ll just give you free booze and a nasty hangover.”

“Oh, here’s one,” Simon says, still focused on his phone. “Goddess of lust. That can’t be all bad, right? She’ll just curse you to stare at each other all day and talk about your abs.” He pauses. “Wait, never mind, this chick does _not_ endorse monogamy.”

Magnus gives Alec a suspicious look – as if maybe Alec has even looked at another man since meeting Magnus – and Alec rolls his eyes at him.

“Wouldn’t be his abs,” Alec says for no discernible reason. “It’s his arms that are my favorite.”

Alec freezes because _what the hell_.

Everyone stops to look at him. 

“Not my _favorite,_ ” Alec stumbles. “They’re _a_ thing I like about him, not _the_ thing I like about him.”

The table is still watching him, silent, and Magnus is staring with a look of bewilderment. Alec feels a panic rising at the thought that Magnus thinks Alec’s favorite thing about him is something shallow and physical, and not any of the things that make Magnus _Mangus_ : generous, strong, brave, open, smart, _his_.

“Magnus,” he says forcefully. “You know I like how you look but that’s not all I like, okay? You know that, right?”

“Another drink?” the server asks suddenly, as she reaches to grab Alec’s empty glass. The voice strikes a chord, but it’s the pearly-white nail polish that causes his head to jerk over in surprise.

And there she is, the woman in white, offering a sweet smile. “I’ll grab you another if you like.”

Alec’s stomach drops. “Did you spike my drink?” He glances around to the other drinks on the table and sees the untouched water in front of Clary, the barely-touched glass of wine in front of Izzy, and the almost-full beers in front of Simon and Jace. Magnus’ martini is about half-full, which makes Alec panic for a minute because _if she did something to Magnus…_

“Of course not,” she answers, looking offended. “Just added a bit of flavor.” She holds up an empty vial and shakes it gently.

“Yeah, that’s what spiking means,” Simon tells her.

“Oh, it’s harmless,” she says, rolling her eyes. “You’ll all be fine.”

“What did you put in our drinks?” Alec asks, voice like steel.

The woman smiles again, and Alec has no idea how he ever thought it was _sweet._ “Just a bit of my famous liquid truth. Its effects are temporary, I promise,” she tells the group. When she sees the full glasses in front of almost everyone, she looks startled and says, “Oh! It looks like most of you won’t be affected for long!”

Alec narrows his eyes. 

“I’m Aletheia, by the way,” the woman says with a little wave. “The Goddess of Truth.”

“Nice to meet you, Aletheia,” Clary says, unable to hide her smile. And of course she’d enjoy this; she didn’t get dosed with whatever was in that vial.

“Don’t ask me even one question,” Jace grits out, pointing an accusatory finger at Simon. Alec can feel frustration and a bit of panic thrumming through the bond, and he assumes Jace is having intense flashbacks to that fiasco with Meliorn and the Alliance rune.

“I wasn’t going to say anything!” Simon protests, but his face betrays him.

Alec glances back over to Magnus.

“My arms?” Magnus asks, quietly enough that no one can hear him over the argument Jace and Simon are having.

“That’s – I didn’t mean _favorite_ ,” Alec tries to clarify again. “I’m not with you because you’re beautiful.” Magnus raises his eyebrows and Alec pushes on. “I mean, you _are_ beautiful, obviously; I just mean that you’re more than that.”

Alec snaps his jaw shut and looks over to Aletheia to ask her to stop this shit, but she’s nowhere in sight.

“Would you like to go?” Magnus asks, reaching across the table to gently place his hand on top of Alec’s.

“Yes,” Alec says on a relieved exhale. Izzy is asking Jace something about being a better fighter and Simon is furiously defending something he said to Clary – and Alec just wants to get the hell out of there.

They don’t say goodbye to the others as they head outside, and the moment they’re alone, Alec feels relief wash over him. Accidentally confessing things to Magnus is harmless; there’s not much he doesn’t know anyway. But the private thoughts that might slip or the intimate moments he might reveal in front of the others, that’s not something he’s willing to risk.

“Magnus,” he says, immediately ready to continue his defense, “Please tell me you –”

“Alexander, _stop_ ,” Magnus says, putting his palm on Alec’s forearm and pulling him to a stop. “Of course I know that’s not all you love about me.”

Alec nods, relieved.

“Besides, it’s not like I didn’t know,” Magnus continues, with his familiar teasing inflection.

“What?”

Magnus cocks his head, amused. “It’s not like you’ve been subtle about it. They’re the first thing you reach for, or hadn’t you noticed?”

“Oh?” Alec asks, borderline defensive at being called out. “Kind of like how you have a thing for wrapping your hands around my neck?” he counters.

Magnus smiles softly, then wraps his hands around the base of Alec’s neck and settles his fingers in the hair at the nape. “Kind of like that,” he agrees.

He waits for Alec to lean down to kiss him, and of course Alec does, and then Magnus drops his hands and they begin their walk down the alley.

It’s still only mid-afternoon and neither of them have any clue as to how long this will last, so Alec knows they need to come up with a plan. The length of time ‘temporary’ probably means something different for an immortal goddess than it does for the rest of them. And no way can Alec be around people with Magnus standing next to him because god knows what will spout out of his mouth.

“Can we just go back home?” Alec asks. “I’m not sure –”

“That you trust what we might say around unsuspecting strangers? Or respectable members of the Clave?” Magnus fills in.

“Yeah, that,” Alec says. “I mean, it’s not like people don’t know how we feel, but I don’t think I want to bump into Jia and let it slip that we’re being punished for having sex at the site of a holy temple.”

“I understand,” Magnus says.

Alec smiles. “You always do. It’s one of my favorite things about you.”

Magnus fights a grin. “How many favorite things do you have, exactly?”

Alec closes his eyes and groans. “This is going to be such a long day.”

*

The liquid truth shows no sign of wearing off by dinnertime. 

“I love watching you do magic,” Alec says, watching Magnus make dinner. “You’re so… graceful. Elegant.”

Magnus stills briefly but then resumes stirring whatever it is in the pot on the stove. “You’re doing it again.”

“What’s that?”

“The liquid truth?” Magnus reminds him.

“Oh,” Alec says, eyebrows furrowed. “Is it bothering you?”

Magnus gives him an indecipherable look. “Of course not. I just didn’t want you to say anything you didn’t intend to.”

Alec rises from the chair and meets Magnus in the kitchen. “Magnus, there’s nothing I wouldn’t say to you.”

Magnus stills again but just for a moment. “I love you, Alexander.”

“I love you, too,” he says. When Magnus turns back to the stove, Alec presses his body to Magnus’s back and wraps his arms around his waist. When he rests his chin on Magnus’ shoulder and presses a light kiss on his neck, Magnus’ magic falters and a small yellow spark causes a few noodles to shoot out of the pot.

Alec huffs out a laugh. “That’s what I love _most_ about watching your magic, though. When I get you to lose control of it.”

Magnus turns smoothly in his arms and looks up at Alec, eyes flashing gold.

“And that,” Alec says, voice low and smile fading. “When I look at you – every single time I look at you – I realize that you are the most beautiful man I’ve ever met.”

Magnus cups Alec’s cheek and whispers, “I know the feeling.”

“And I – it sometimes makes me, I don’t know, surprised when I realize how much you love me. I know it’s weird to say and that I’m being even more sentimental than usual, but it’s true.”

“It’s not weird, as long as you won’t regret any of this once the spell has worn off.”

“Why would I ever regret any of this?” Alec asks, confused. He pulls back slightly and Magnus’ hand falls.

“I’m not saying you would,” Magnus says, “But I feel a little guilty listening to you say these things when you’re not in full control of saying them.”

Alec shrugs and gives his crooked grin. “As long as you’re the only one hearing them.”

“Hmm,” Magnus hums. “Embarrassed?”

There’s no heat to his voice so Alec knows not to take it as an accusation. “No,” he says, leaning down to rest his forehead against Magnus’. “But the Inquisitor has a reputation to uphold and if everyone knew I was actually this mushy romantic…”

“Oh like everyone doesn’t already know,” Jace calls out from the living room. 

Magnus and Alec both jump apart, and Alec can’t believe he was so wrapped up with Magnus that he didn’t hear someone _walk into the apartment_.

(Well maybe actually a little he can believe it.)

“What the hell,” Alec says as he follows Magnus out of the kitchen to find everyone waiting for them.

“You guys bailed before we even figured out anything,” Izzy says accusingly.

Alec hesitates and knows he now has to measure each word carefully. “I just ingested liquid truth. I didn’t want to watch every word I said.”

“We figured,” Izzy says, “But it’s not like we don’t know how much of a softy you are behind closed doors.”

“Has it worn off?” Clary says, sounding genuinely concerned.

Alec frowns, thoughtful. “I don’t know, actually.” And he doesn’t. Nothing he said to Magnus earlier is something he wouldn’t have said anyway.

“Okay so what _is_ your favorite thing about Magnus, then?” Simon asks. He looks equal parts terrified and thrilled to be asking Alec such a loaded question.

And Alec can tell immediately it hasn’t worn off because the answer he’s biting back isn’t something he’d normally say in front of anyone else, or at least not his siblings. He’d never want them to feel hurt or offended and he knows that’s a chance he’d be taking. He debates on refusing to answer but Magnus is watching him, trying to look less invested in the answer than he actually is.

“No one has ever treated me this way before,” Alec says finally. His eyes are on Magnus but he can feel the weight of everyone’s gaze as he answers. “I remember when you came home from Edom that first time. I loved you so much and then you sacrificed everything for me and I just – something in me changed that day. No one had ever put me first like that. Feeling like I was someone’s priority, like I was the most important person in someone’s life, that I was worth sacrificing for, it was, I don’t know – overwhelming. And something in me snapped and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life convincing you I was worth it.”

After a few moments, Magnus quietly says, “You never have to prove that you’re worth it, Alexander. I already know.” 

Alec shrugs, eyes still fixed on Magnus. “Doesn’t matter. I’m going to anyway.”

The room is quiet and Alec hazards a look at everyone else. No one seems offended that he’s spent his life feeling like he’s never been their priority, or anyone’s priority for that matter – until Magnus came along. Nor do they seem hurt at the implication that Magnus’ is _his_ priority. 

“God, how is anyone supposed to compete with the things you say? You always make us look bad, man,” Simon says.

Alec gives him an unimpressed look. “Then stop asking personal questions.”

Simon mulls that over. “Okay, fair point.”

Magnus clears his throat before the conversation can continue. “Is there a reason you decided to follow us home?”

“Yes, actually,” Clary answers. “We think we came up with something.”

“Really?” Alec asks, a little embarrassed that the rest of them managed to problem-solve while Alec and Magnus just basically composed homemade poetry. Well, while Alec did. Magnus mainly cooked and looked pleasantly surprised at everything Alec said.

“Yes,” she says. “We weren’t sure how long ‘temporary’ is to an ancient pagan deity, so we figured we should come up with a plan in case it means like, fifty years.”

Alec stomach drops at the thought of _fifty years_ because there goes his job. And maybe his dignity a little. “Okay, so what’s the plan?”

“We thought maybe it’s a test,” Simon says. “Like we have to admit something we’ve been hiding for whatever reason.”

“Yeah,” Izzy says with a raised eyebrow and a pointed look in Simon’s direction. “Like _really_ specific fantasies or embarrassing sex stuff.”

Alec swallows and feels a flush rising from his neck. “Absolutely not.”

Izzy gives him a skeptical look. “Oh come on, like you have embarrassing sex stuff, Alec.”

Alec clenches his jaw to prevent anything slipping out.

“Oh my god, you _do_!” she says excitedly. “Okay tell me everything!”

“What? No.”

Jace shoots her a look. “Why do you even want to know?”

And Alec is fully ready to let it go until he hears Magnus say in a quiet voice, “Yes, I’m curious; what embarrassing ‘sex stuff’ are you hiding?”

“Magnus,” Alec says, warningly. “Not here.”

“Ah,” Magnus says, and unlike earlier, Alec can tell he’s a little hurt. He barely lets it show, but Alec can still see through him.

“The thing in the training room?” Alec whispers, hoping that’s enough.

Izzy gasps. “What?! What training room thing?”

“That was embarrassing?” Magnus asks, confused. “There are several adjectives I would have used and that is not one of them.”

Alec’s eyes widen. “You called me _cute_ and I shoved you against a wall. I mean, come on. ‘Cute’?” he says. And then under his breath, “‘Cute.’ Who can’t handle ‘ _cute_ ’?”

Magnus does the whole surprised-but-pleased thing again, and simply says, “Oh.”

“Did you sanitize the room afterwards?” Jace asks cautiously.

Alec sighs and bites out, unwillingly, “We took it to the bedroom. I have a little self-restraint.”

“I don’t know,” Simon adds, frowning. “I think the temple in Turkey says otherwise.”

Jace snorts.

“Okay, well I’m not taking part in this plan,” Alec tells them. “So just go. I’ll let this wear off in its own time. Alone.”

“And if it’s fifty years?” Clary asks pointedly.

Alec shrugs, unaffected. “Then I’ll quit my job and live here in peace.”

“Sure, sure, a hermit,” Simon says. “Of course you’d rather be a recluse than admit publicly you have a weird thing for Magnus’ sweaters or something.”

 _I don’t have a thing for Magnus’ sweaters_ , is what Alec tries to say, but instead it comes out as, “It’s his shampoo. Every time he adds sandalwood to a potion, I have to forcibly remove myself so I don’t shove him into the bedroom.”

The whole room falls silent and Simon says quietly, “I don’t know if you’re passing her test or really, really failing it.”

They all jolt when they hear a young woman from the doorway say, “It wasn’t meant to be a test. It was a gift.”

They all whip around to find the voice. “A gift,” Alec echoes.

“Yes,” Aletheia adds, sounding genuine and innocent, walking towards the group. “Everyone was so _loud_ except you two. I wanted to thank you.”

“That was a thank you?” Magnus asks.

She nods. “Falsehoods, half-truths, repression – it’s too much. I rarely leave home anymore. It used to be so few, but now everyone is hiding something from someone or holding something in or deliberately misleading themselves or worse, someone they love. It’s all I can hear but you two…”

Alec blinks because he can’t imagine the kind of noise she hears all day, every day.

“You never hide how you feel,” she says, mostly towards Alec. “What you feel, it’s so pure. And you’re not embarrassed about what you think; you embrace it. And what you think, you say. It’s beautiful.”

Magnus looks over to Alec and Alec meets his gaze. The look Magnus gives him, it’s deep and open and there’s such devotion there – and Alec’s heart skips a beat or two.

“So it was a thank you,” she repeats.

Alec glances towards Aletheia again. “How is dosing us – namely _me –_ with liquid truth a thank you?”

She’s quiet and gives him a small, sympathetic smile. “Because everyone has something they want to say.”

Alec stares at her and she gives them a small wave as she turns to let herself out.

Magnus is looking at him curiously and suddenly Alec knows exactly what she meant, what her purpose was.

“Okay,” Clary says slowly, breaking the silence. “I think it’s time for us to go.”

They all presumably head towards the door, but Alec is staring so intently at Magnus that he doesn’t watch them go.

“Alexander?” Magnus asks after a long silence.

And before Alec can think better of it, he says, “Am I doing something wrong?”

Magnus looks sharply taken aback. “Wrong?”

Alec knows now why Aletheia did what she did. He’s been meaning to ask but he’s not sure he can handle the answer. “When I say things to you, you always seem to be surprised. Even after all this time, you look startled when I compliment you or tell you how I feel. And I just wonder – why is it that you’re still so surprised? Do I not do it enough?” And then, after a pause, “Do you not trust me?”

Magnus stares at him, wide-eyed. “Of course I trust you,” he says quietly.

“Then what?” Alec asks, soft but anxious. “What is it?”

Magnus shakes his head to himself then reaches forward to cup Alec’s cheek. “It’s – I’m afraid there’s a century or two of insecurity working against you. If you knew how often I’ve been too much for someone, how often they’ve left…”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Alec says, insistent. “Ever.”

“I’m so sorry,” Magnus replies. “I never meant to put that pressure on you or make so much extra work.”

Alec huffs out a laugh despite the gravity of the moment, despite Magnus’ obvious vulnerability. “Work? Magnus, being in love with you is the easiest part of my day.”

Magnus fights a smile. “Do you know that no one has ever looked at me the way you do?”

Alec tries to choose his words carefully. “I’m sorry that you had to live through that, and I’m sorry that no one treated you the way you deserved.” He pauses. “But I love being the one that gets to show you what you’re worth. It makes me feel…significant. Important.”

“You don’t know how important you are,” Magnus tells him. And then he does the thing with his hands in Alec’s hair, so obviously Alec has to grab Magnus’ lapels, tug him close, and lean down to kiss him. Obviously.

*

Later, as they’re curled together on the couch and watching some movie by that director friend Baz Something-or-Other, Magnus shifts to face him and says, “I wonder if these goddesses are just trying to help.”

“Help?” Alec says skeptically. “Do you remember the part about the dogs attacking us in the woods?”

“Well, sure,” Magnus says, “But Aletheia certainly didn’t have it out for us. And look how well the evening turned out. She really did give us a gift, if you think about it.”

“I guess,” Alec says, unconvinced. “I’m not sure if we should count on that, though.”

Magnus makes a sound that Alec takes as an agreement then shifts again to settle his head back on Alec’s chest. He genuinely doesn’t know if he’s ever felt this content.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this content,” he says.

 _Dammit_.

Magnus lets out a sigh/laugh combo and says, “I can’t tell if you’re still under the influence of her liquid truth or just being your openly sincere self.”

Alec settles back into the couch and smiles. “I know, me either.”

They’re both quiet – in the actual sense of the word and likely in Aletheia’s sense as well – and they watch the rest of the movie. He’s comfortable, just like he said, but he’s also a little unsettled. No matter what Magnus thinks, Alec’s instinct is telling him they won’t all be as nice and ultimately harmless as the Goddess of Truth. Sure, maybe some of them might be, but he’s uneasy when he thinks about the next one. He has no proof but Alec knows there’ll be a next one and somehow, he also knows the next one won’t be so easy.

He pulls Magnus a little closer, possessive and protective for reasons he can’t explain, and thinks, _I’m not going anywhere, ever._


	3. Mnemosyne (Memory)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Someone say something,” Alec says, a bit more forcefully. He hates being left in the dark, and there’s clearly something he’s missing. The fact that he’s partially clothed and in bed makes him feel even more helpless. He looks down to find some kind of sign, some injury or telltale wound or maybe a new rune. But he finds nothing. Except – 
> 
> His left hand.
> 
> There is a ring.
> 
>  _What the hell_ , he thinks, panicked. His eyes dart up to meet Izzy’s.
> 
> “You – you lost some memories, Alec,” she explains, though it’s not much of an explanation.
> 
> “Very specific ones,” Jace adds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for SHBingo 2020-2021  
> square: memories  
> applicable tags: memory loss, recovered memories

Alec wakes up slowly. He’s lying on the side of the bed he never lies on with his arm outstretched like he’s trying to drape it over someone next to him, someone sharing the bed with him. But Alec has never shared the bed with anyone so the position doesn’t make any sense. It’s intimate and domestic, two things Alec doesn’t really… do. But it doesn’t feel foreign, either, and Alec can’t reconcile the conflicting ‘ _this doesn’t make sense’_ with ‘ _but it doesn’t feel wrong_.’ He blinks a few times then slowly sits up.

Then he about loses it when he sees Izzy and Jace sitting on chairs at the edge of the bed.

“What the –” he starts, scrambling to sit up against the headboard. But neither of them says anything.

“Oh, Alec,” Izzy says softly, and Alec notices her eyes are wet.

He looks to Jace, who isn’t crying, which Alec is relieved to see, but who’s wearing a look of defeat. Alec tentatively tests the bond and feels a subtle current of panic that matches Izzy’s face.

“What’s going on?” Alec asks carefully. He searches his brain because everything is fuzzy. He can’t figure out what would evoke this kind of reaction from them, no hunt gone wrong or permanent injury.

Izzy opens her mouth to answer then glances at Jace who meets her gaze but only shrugs in response. They both look utterly lost.

“Someone say something,” Alec says, a bit more forcefully. He hates being left in the dark, and there’s clearly something he’s missing. The fact that he’s partially clothed and in bed makes him feel even more helpless. He looks down to find some kind of sign, some injury or telltale wound or maybe a new rune. But he finds nothing. Except – 

His left hand.

There is a ring.

 _What the hell_ , he thinks, panicked. His eyes dart up to meet Izzy’s.

“You – you lost some memories, Alec,” she explains, though it’s not much of an explanation.

“Very specific ones,” Jace adds.

Alec sits there, shaken into silence. He struggles to think of something, _anything_ , that could explain a damn ring on his finger, but he comes up blank. No face, no name, no wedding. What he does notice, though, is the pit in his stomach. Or the lack thereof, really. There’s an empty, gaping space that he can feel now that he’s looking for it, presumably the place where the pieces of his missing life fit. 

But that ball is gone, the jagged ball of shame and fear and inadequacy. The nausea is gone, too, that feeling he gets when he thinks of his secret, the secret that Izzy and Jace know anyway, being exposed.

Alec steels himself and says, clearly and purposefully, “What’s – what’s his name?”

Relief floods over him as he watches the neutral, if not relieved, expression on both of their faces. They know. Well, they always have, Alec knows, but if he’s openly displaying a wedding band, apparently everyone else knows now, too.

And there’s that feeling again, those warring thoughts of ‘ _that makes no sense_ ’ ringing through his head while ‘ _but it still feels right_ ’ argues back. He’s spent years hiding himself, knowing he’d never get this, resigned but confident in that fact. So who convinced him otherwise? Was it easy for him? How long did it take?

Izzy, whose relief has shifted into belated surprise, says, “Wait, how did you know –”

Alec doesn’t respond because, well, for all of his earlier bravado, the idea of talking about a husband, a very very male husband probably, is fucking terrifying. And also because he has no idea how he knows.

Izzy doesn’t press for an answer, just takes a breath and looks to Jace again. “Are we allowed to say? I don’t know the rules.”

Jace shrugs again. “I have no idea. M– he didn’t say.”

After a pause, Izzy tells him, “It’s – you were – god, Alec, I don’t know what we’re allowed to tell you and what’s against the rules.”

“Rules?” Alec asks. “Whose rules?”

He can feel Jace’s frustration shooting through the bond, though it’s clearly not directed towards Alec. “This is so messed up and we want to tell you, man, but we don’t know yet. Just – he’s working on it.”

 _He_. The word has Alec’s thoughts racing. There’s fear and anxiety and vulnerability, sure, but they’re barely noticeable under the staggering relief and gratitude and peace and _freedom_. He struggles against his fuzzy memory again, desperate to see his life and picture his – his _husband_ , but he still comes up blank. He doesn’t even have a general canvas to work with. It’s just that Alec, he’s never known himself to have a type. Izzy, she always liked men that would piss off their parents – Seelies and vampires and now, bizarrely, a nerdy, awkward Daylighter that is so far from what their parents probably expected of her. And Jace, he always went for skinny and spirited and well, _willing_ , though Clary’s optimism and stubbornness is probably new territory for him. 

But Alec, there wasn’t ever anything concrete; men were such an abstract, unattainable concept that he never bothered much with trying to figure out what he liked because what was the point? Whatever’s happened during the time he’s lost, though, has somehow involved figuring out that his type is definitely not Jace. But “not Jace” isn’t really much to go on. He thinks, distantly and with absolutely no reason to think it, of _dark hair_ and _slender_ and _culture_ and _grace_.

“I’m going to text Mom,” Izzy says abruptly, pulling Alec from his thoughts. That feeling surfaces again at the idea of his mom. Objectively, he knows the disapproving, emotionally-distant woman he was raised by is far from the loving, supporting mother she is now, but he can’t figure out why. He can’t remember what, or maybe even who, helped her to change.

Alec is acutely and suddenly aware of a thrumming under his skin, a pricking in his fingers. There’s a wave of clarity that he can’t explain. “He’s a Downworlder,” Alec says to no one in particular. It’s not a question. “A warlock?”

Izzy’s mouth falls open. “How do you keep doing that?”

“I don’t know,” Alec admits. “I can just feel… something. His magic, I think.” And he trusts it implicitly, though he doesn’t know why. Seelie magic has always made him uneasy, probably because it always reminds him of deception and ambiguity and mistrust, so he knows it’s something else. Warlock feels right. He’s always had his misgivings about warlocks, promiscuous and shallow and self-serving, but the magic radiating from him, or from his ring maybe, feels right. It doesn’t make _sense_ but it feels right.

Finally, Jace stands up and motions towards the door. “How about you get dressed and meet us outside? We can figure out the next steps.”

Alec nods, desperately grateful for the beginnings of a plan, and waits to climb out of bed until they’ve both left. He looks around his room and there’s a surge of _wrongness_. He’s lived in this institute for years but now it just feels wrong. This is not his home.

*

Less than ten minutes later, the three of them are walking towards Ops. Alec tries to assess everything he sees to make sure it fits. _That screen there_ , he thinks, _they installed it a year ago_. And: _that’s the Shadowhunter that transferred from Madrid six months ago; Izzy told me about him_.

“Have I lost time?” Alec asks. “Or just… a person?”

“As far as we know, just M– a person,” Jace answers, the three of them still walking briskly until they reach a monitor at the edge of the room, away from prying eyes. Simon and Clary are both there, watching him carefully.

Alec watches them back, unnerved by the scrutiny. 

“Hi,” Simon says, holding out his palm. “I’m Simon. I know you want to ask ‘but why is there a mundane in the institute’ because I’ve heard it a million times before but –”

Alec briefly glances down at Simon’s hand, then says, “I know who you are.”

“Oh,” is all Simon says, frowning and dropping his hand.

“You do?” Clary asks hopefully.

“I think he remembers everything, even some things he probably shouldn’t be able to,” Jace answers, then pauses. “Actually, what _is_ the last thing you remember, Alec?”

Alec has to sift through memories, some that seem to be crystal clear and some that float in that hazy, empty space he’s now all too aware of. It’s not overly difficult to differentiate, except for when they seem to be intertwined. “I’m the Inquisitor now. Clary’s started to get her memories back,” he says slowly. It’s vivid; he can see conversations with her clearly and remembers feeling that desperate relief thrumming through his bond the moment she really, truly _saw_ Jace but –

“Do you remember how I got them?” Clary asks cautiously.

And he doesn’t. However it happened, the answer is sitting in the chasm of emptiness that grows wider every time he thinks about it.

They take his silence for what it is and stand there quietly for a minute.

Simon clears his throat eventually. “So.”

“Did you find anything?” Jace asks, nudging past the Daylighter to see whatever it is on the screen.

Clary shakes her head. “We can’t find him; wherever he went, he doesn’t want any of us to know.”

“Shit,” Izzy swears. “I knew he was going to try to take this on by himself.”

“Oh yeah, real surprise,” Simon counters. “Because these two are normally so rational when the other is in danger.”

For some reason, his sarcasm doesn’t bother Alec because – well, it checks out. Alec dives headfirst when someone he loves is in danger, no thought to his own safety. Although… this is new. The idea that someone does that for _him_ , that someone loves Alec so much that it makes him dangerously impulsive, it makes Alec’s heart stutter for a brief moment.

Izzy makes her way next to Jace and presses a few buttons on the touchpad. Suddenly, a face flashes up on the screen.

And Alec’s brain short circuits. 

Not because of the face and how breathtaking he is – well, it’s partially that, if Alec is honest with himself – but because of the sheer number of thoughts firing off at the same time.

The first is simply, _Oh._ It’s a candid shot, one where he’s expertly wielding a blue ball of magic in his hands, but Alec can’t place where he is. The man’s got the black hair and the slender frame that flashed through Alec’s subconscious earlier, which makes him wonder if _grace_ and _culture_ are somehow meaningful, too. He's wearing a dark jacket with a collar that accentuates his jawline and a deep blue shirt with a few open buttons that hints at a toned chest and eyeliner that sets off – fuck, _everything_. The screen only shows the top half of his body and Alec wants to see the rest, to see everything else. He’s got a piercing gaze and a coy smile and he’s radiating a power, a strength, _a danger,_ that’s so palpable even in a static photo.

There are just so many thoughts at once.

The next is: _right_ , _so that’s my type._ Alec realizes why he never figured out his type when he was younger. He just hadn’t met this man yet. The more Alec stares at him, at the cheekbones and the smile and the impeccably styled hair and the painted nails and that jawline and the scarf tied intricately around his neck, the more Alec realizes he has a very, very specific type.

But there’s also: _how can I not remember him?_ Because there is nothing forgettable about this man, that much is clear. Alec is certain with every fiber of his being that this man lights up everything around him, that he’s obviously the focal point of every room he’s in. Or, at the very least, Alec’s focal point.

And: _there has to be a mistake_. Alec tries to picture the two of them together in public, to see what everyone else sees, but he can’t. There’s no way. The two of them together, Alec in his simple black shirt and basic black pants and standard-issue black boots and messy hair – walking side-by-side with _this_ man? Just… how?

Very clearly and prominently: _oh god he’s beautiful._

And the one echoing loudly and repeatedly:

“He married me?” he asks, accidentally out loud, with undisguised confusion.

Izzy gives him the same sad look from earlier. “Oh, Alec,” she says softly, “He loves you so much.”

Alec doesn’t pull his gaze away from the screen and can’t think of what to say.

“And you – I’ve never seen you as happy as you are when you’re with him,” she adds.

Alec thinks of saying, _Yeah, obviously, look at him_ , but lets it go. There’s an ache in him now; he’s started to feel the significant weight of that empty space where the life he forgot still sits. There’s no way he can go the rest of his life with this ever-increasing chasm inside of him. 

“What do we do?” he asks the group. “Because I think I’d like to get him back.” His voice is unsteady, and god does Alec hate feeling open and exposed, but his gut is telling him that he doesn’t always keep his carefully-controlled emotions in check when it comes to this man. 

“We could, I don’t know, see if he left any clues at the apartment?” Izzy suggests, looking defeated. “He’s not answering calls and I don’t know where else to start.”

“Let’s go,” Alec says immediately. He can’t just wait here, staring at a lifeless screen, hoping that something happens. He needs to do something, to have a purpose.

Jace watches him then nods. “Whatever you want, Alec.”

*

Moments later they’re standing outside of an apartment in Alicante that looks completely foreign to Alec. He pushes through the haze in his mind to picture where he lives because he knows his home is in Alicante, knows he’s the Inquisitor, but can’t see a home or a life or a partner there. Or how he got there. Or why. Because something is telling him that whoever this man is, he’s helped Alec get to where he is. Somehow a warlock led to Inquisitor.

Izzy moves to open the door but before she can, it slowly clicks ajar. It puts Alec on edge but he follows her through anyway.

And there on the couch is the man that apparently _married him_ , staring blankly at two bottles on the coffee table in front of him. The hi-res screen at the Institute did him absolutely no justice. He’s stunning – no, he’s _beautiful_ – and Alec’s mouth parts slightly.

Jace elbows him. “Stop, we don’t have time for that right now.”

Alec looks over, defensive and self-conscious, only to see Jace is smirking at him, no heat in his tone or judgment on his face. Apparently Alec’s loosened the tight grip he’s held on to their bond, lets Jace feel things now, which… doesn’t make sense. But it feels nice. 

At Jace’s voice, the man glances up, looking more defeated than Alec has ever seen a person look. He stands quickly when he meets Alec’s eyes.

“Alec,” he says on an exhale, relief flooding his face.

Alec can’t figure out what to say and he can almost hear his heart beating and he’s suddenly so frustrated and maybe a little angry. Why would someone take this away from him?

“He seems fine, Magnus,” Jace says, as if answering a question the man hadn’t asked yet. “It’s just you he doesn’t know.”

 _Magnus_ , Alec thinks, feeling satisfaction at finally knowing something about him.

Alec swallows. “Hi,” he says, sounding more awkward than he feels.

Magnus’ mouth curves into the beginning of an amused smile. “Hi,” he replies.

“I – I’m sorry I don’t remember you,” Alec apologizes in a rush.

Those beginnings of Magnus’ smile fall. “Don’t you dare take responsibility for this. You’re not to blame, Alexander.”

And the name – it brings back those warring thoughts from earlier. No one calls him that… but it feels right coming out of Magnus’s mouth. He actually kind of likes it. The name has always rubbed him the wrong way but when it comes out of Magnus’ mouth, it makes Alec feel warm and important. Significant. 

“What are those?” Simon asks, gesturing to the two bottles on the table.

Izzy walks over to inspect the engravings on them. “‘ _Lethe’_ and ‘ _Mnemosyne_ ,’” she says aloud before narrowing her eyes. “Why is her name on this bottle?”

“It’s not her name,” Magnus explains. “Well, it is, but it’s also the name of one of the mythical rivers in Hades, as is the Lethe.”

“Hades?” Alec asks, eyes still trained on Magnus. “As in the Greek underworld?”

Even without breaking his gaze from Magnus, he can sense everyone sharing some kind of significant look.

“What am I missing?” Alec asks. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Magnus keeps his eyes focused on Alec, obviously as determined to maintain their gaze as Alec is. “You and I may have upset the Greek gods,” he says carefully.

“What? How?” he asks, brows furrowed in confusion.

Magnus’ mouth hints at a smile again. “I don’t think now is the time for that particular story.”

“Now is definitely _not_ the time,” Jace agrees.

“Okay, but what _are_ those?” Simon asks again.

Magnus hesitates, his almost-smile falling again. “I’m not sure yet,” he replies vaguely.

Alec squints at him. “You’re lying,” he says, hoping it doesn’t come off as accusatory.

Magnus looks taken aback. “I’m not.”

“You are,” Alec argues. “I can tell. You’re trying to keep something back. To protect me.”

Magnus is quiet. “How do you –”

“He knows things about you,” Izzy interrupts. “I don’t know how but there are some things he still knows.”

“Ah,” Magnus says, trying to sound casual but Alec doesn’t buy it. “And reading me tells just happens to be one of those things, I suppose.”

Alec doesn’t let himself be distracted by the small smile Magnus directs his way, even though he really really wants to be. “What are those?”

Magnus looks away from Alec, back towards the bottles Izzy still holds in her hands. “They’re meant to be the answer but I don’t think they are.”

“What does that mean?” Alec asks, eyeing him suspiciously.

Magnus pauses and Alec can tell he wants to be evasive. He takes a few steps closer and Magnus meets his gaze before standing straight, looking stiff. 

He’s tall, Alec notes as he gets closer. Almost as tall as Alec. His shoulders are broader than Alec realized, and he can see the definition of Magnus’ arms underneath his fitted shirt. Alec’s stomach is swooping, which he wants to be embarrassed about because they’re married and it’s probably weird to get butterflies from a man you’re _married to_. But he reminds himself that, in a way, it’s the first time he’s ever seen Magnus, so –

“Alec,” Jace says warningly. “Focus.”

Alec swallows and snaps his gaze back up. He reaches out tentatively for Magnus’ hand, who allows it to be pulled into Alec’s own, to his relief. There was a small part of him that thought maybe – maybe he wouldn’t want to touch the man that is definitely not his husband right now. “Please,” Alec asks quietly, choosing not to be embarrassed about how close he sounds to pleading. “Don’t make me stay like this.”

And Alec can see how his words shatter Magnus’ carefully controlled poise. “I – I don’t like our options,” he replies, just as quietly. He looks vulnerable and broken and Alec _hates_ it. He wonders if Magnus always makes him feel this much and with such intensity.

When Alec doesn’t say anything, Magnus sighs and drops Alec’s hand, reaching over to carefully take the bottles from Izzy. “According to mythology, you would drink from the river Lethe to forget everything then from the river Mnemosyne to remember. The idea is that Alec could drink from both bottles and his memory would be restored.”

“Like a reset button?” Simon says.

Alec waits for Magnus to continue but when he doesn’t elaborate, Alec asks, “And?”

“And what?” Magnus counters, an unexpected challenge in his voice.

“And why is that a problem?” Alec wonders aloud, holding out his hand for the water. “Give me the bottle.”

“You could _forget_ _everything_ ,” Magnus points out, the challenged edge turning frustrated. “You can’t just rush into this, Alexander. Not this time.”

Alec’s eyes widen. “Are you kidding me? Give me the bottle, Magnus.”

“There are a lot of maybes here, and if this doesn’t work, you could lose everything! Your sister, your brother, your parabatai, your job, everyone and everything you know and love and fought for.”

“My job,” Alec echoes dully, a little stung. “Magnus, you don’t know how this feels. There’s this space inside, this emptiness and it… it aches. You belong there, our life belongs there, I _know_ it does, and I can’t spend the rest of my life feeling like this. Like there’s part of me that’s not complete.”

Magnus looks at him brokenly. “Alexander, please, just…”

Alec turns to face Isabelle and Jace, an apologetic look on his face. He knows what he’s asking of them, the kind of pressure he’s putting on them to understand that he _has_ to do this. He knows it’s risky and impulsive and selfish, which feels foreign to him, but none of that is going to stop him. “I know what this might mean for you two, I do, but I can’t –”

“Oh shut up,” Isabelle says, smiling.

Jace stares at him, unimpressed. “The real you would have already downed the first bottle by now.”

Alec feels relief wash through him and he turns to face Magnus, eyebrow raised and impatience etched into every feature, hand outstretched expectantly.

Magnus sighs. “Alexander,” he says softly, and his hand stays still.

“Let me remember you,” Alec says plainly, motioning for the bottle until Magnus reluctantly passes it to him.

Alec uncorks the bottle, downs it in three pronounced gulps, and never looks away from Magnus once.

*

Alec is sitting on a couch. Opposite him are a blond man and brunette woman. They all watch each other. He knows his name is Alec and that these people in front of him seem familiar – maybe family? – but he doesn’t know much of anything else. He struggles to search his brain for recognition, any memory at all, but he comes up blank.

The blond holds out a bottle. “Can you drink this for me?”

Alec eyes it cautiously. “What is it?”

“It’s – it’ll help you remember, I promise.”

But Alec doesn’t take it from him.

The blond sighs, handing the bottle to the brunette woman so that he can pull a small knife from his pocket. He holds it up for Alec to see and raises his eyebrows. “Watch,” he says as he drags it slowly over the back of his hand. Blood begins to drip out of the new cut and suddenly, Alec’s own hand sears with pain. He looks down at it, disbelieving, then back up to the blond.

“We’ve got a bond, me and you. Is that enough for you to trust me?”

Alec doesn’t say anything in response but reaches out to take the bottle from the brunette. He doesn’t do much with it, though, just holds up to inspect the clear liquid inside.

“Can you drink that for us, Alec?” the brunette finally says.

Alec looks between the two of them. They’re familiar somehow, both of them, but he still feels the need to be on guard. Objectively, he notes that they’re young, they’re friendly, and they’re attractive – but attractive in a way he can’t place, in a way that feels wrong. 

Alec startles as another figure moves from behind the couch to sit next to the other two. And this man – this man is attractive in a way Alec can immediately place, in a way that does not feel wrong at all.

The blonde lets out a sudden laugh. “Seriously, Alec? Now?” he asks, looking skeptical but amused.

Alec is completely unaffected by the hint of light-hearted judgment, though he doesn’t know why he’s so quick to ignore him.

The attractive man with the dark, styled hair looks curiously at the blond. “Really?”

“Really,” the blond says, shaking his head. “I think you broke him, Magnus.”

Magnus hums to himself, pleased for a moment, before seemingly remembering his surroundings.

“Please drink it, Alec,” the brunette says, a hint of desperation in her voice.

Alec hesitates then nods. He uncorks it and raises it to lips. Before he drinks, though, he inexplicably looks to Magnus as if waiting for some kind of encouragement.

Magnus gives hints of a smile and a nod, and Alec decides that’s enough.

So he drinks.

*

Alec is trying to wake up but he feels like he’s suffocating under visions, memories, moments. There’s a flood of images of Magnus: bursting into Alec’s wedding to Lydia and permanently turning Alec’s life upside down in the best possible way; breaking Alec’s heart in the middle of a hallway outside of a hospital room and teaching him the real meaning of heartache; bathed in sunlight and handing a semi-asleep Alec a half-glass of orange juice; standing across from Alec in front of their family and friends exchanging vows. Alec is conscious enough to remember the events of the past several, what – hours, days? – and realizes he’s watching his memories return to him in waves.

And then he remembers:

_A woman showed up to the apartment. She was dressed in a flowing pink gown, long wavy hair cascading down her back. She called herself Mnemosyne and told them she’d be playing a game, taking away Alec’s memories, but not all of them, just the ones of the person he loved most in the world._

_Everyone was quiet. They shot panicked looks towards Magnus._

_Jace introduced himself to Mnemosyne, said he was the most important person in the world to Alec, that Alec couldn’t survive without him._

_Izzy argued, said Jace couldn’t compare to her, said she was Alec’s blood and Jace couldn’t live up to that._

_But Mnemosyne had seen through them both, understood Alec’s silence as he stared at Magnus, like maybe he was trying to memorize his face in case, in case…_

_And Izzy had begged her not to do it, to take her instead, said Mnemosyne didn’t know what Alec was like back then, didn’t know what it would do to all of them if she took Magnus away from Alec._

_Mnemosyne said it would be a gift._

_Jace tried to argue that she was taking, not giving, but she paid him no attention._

_Alec had tried to move towards Magnus, to touch him just one last time._

_And then he woke up in a bed at the Institute._

Alec finally breaks free from the onslaught of images and props himself on his left elbow. For a minute, he can’t figure out what’s real and what he made up. Is Magnus real? Or just Alec’s desperate attempt to create someone that loves him unconditionally? Are they actually married?

He calls out, “Magnus?” without even consciously deciding to do it, then looks down to take stock. He’s tangled in yellow-gold sheets, he’s wearing his ring, and the bathroom is exactly where it’s supposed to be in the apartment that Alec remembers.

“I’m right here,” a soft voice says from behind him. Alec whips around to see Magnus sitting on the edge of the bed, tentative and unsure.

“Oh god, you’re real,” Alec says, scrambling to pull Magnus close to him. He grips him tightly and buries his head into the crook of Magnus’ neck, remembering the feel of Magnus’ skin on his, of Magnus’ smell, of how he fits in his arms.

Alec’s thoughts and emotions threaten to take hold of him but he wills them down, needing to stay in this moment for just a little while longer.

“It’s okay,” Magnus tells him. “You’re okay.”

Alec pulls back briefly to look at Magnus, to really _see_ him. He’s not sure he’ll ever get over the feeling of looking at Magnus but not recognizing him. “I’m not okay.”

Magnus shakes his head sadly. “You’ll _be_ okay,” he amends. “We both will.”

Alec nods, pulls Magnus close again, and stays that way until he’s lost track of time.

*

“I can’t do that again,” Alec tells Magnus two days later – two days of paranoid suspicion and looking over his shoulder. They’re eating dinner on the couch for some reason, possibly because they feel the need to be pressed up close, and it strikes Alec that he lost the big, important moments of their lives, but he also lost the casual dinners and popcorn-and-movies and pool games, too.

“I know,” Magnus agrees. “But on the bright side, I don’t think repeat visits are what they have in mind.”

“The bright side,” Alec repeats dryly.

Magnus smiles at him from across the table. “I’m sure the next one – if there’s a next one – won’t be as bad.” Alec can tell he’s not fully convinced, only saying the words for Alec’s benefit.

“Well there goes your theory that they’re just trying to help,” Alec says with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t know,” Magnus counters. “She didn’t hurt us. We’re alive and everything is back to normal.”

Alec is speechless for a moment. He grabs Magnus’ plate, placing them both on the coffee table, and pulls Magnus’ hand into both of his. “Normal? Magnus, I’ll remember that for the rest of my life. Do you know how painful it is to look at the man you love and not remember him?”

Magnus fixes him with a sympathetic stare. “No, but I know how painful it is to have the man you love look at you and not remember,” he says pointedly.

Alec deflates. “I – you’re right; that must have been awful.”

“And I’m not downplaying what you lived through, Alexander. I hope you know that.”

Alec watches him and his hand grips Magnus’ a bit tighter, like maybe he’s still not convinced Mnemosyne won’t make another surprise cameo.

“The lengths you’d go for us,” Magnus whispers, mostly to himself, “I never imagined that.”

Alec deliberately doesn’t mention the become-a-vampire thing. 

And ultimately, that’s what does it for Alec. The whole terrifying experience, the memories that might possibly haunt him for the rest of his life, it all led to this moment, to Magnus discovering just how far Alec will go, how far gone Alec is on him. Maybe it was supposed to be a gift for Magnus. And maybe that’s worth it. 

_Maybe being this far gone doesn’t make sense_ , Alec thinks, _but it still feels right_.


	4. Chronos (Time)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec sighs. “So, what’s on your agenda? Time travel, turning back the clock to before we knew each other, what?”
> 
> Chronos watches him carefully, then slowly looks between all six of them before starting some kind of dramatic hand flourish. “I think – no, I think maybe let’s go back in time to revisit the worst moment of your life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for SHBingo 2020-2021  
> square: time travel  
> applicable tags: time shenanigans

Alec is gently nudging the eggs around in the skillet when he hears a thumping noise behind him. He’s immediately on guard but when he turns, he finds Jace sitting at the table, an empty spoon hovering in front of his mouth. Jace looks around and when it registers where he is, he calls out, “I was eating breakfast!” to no one in particular, though it’s presumably directed towards whichever Greek god has it out for them this morning.

Isabelle is next, appearing on the couch, still sleeping. Simon follows soon after, falling next to her onto the floor, which wakes both of them up. Lastly, it’s Clary, who cautiously steps out from the apothecary.

“What the hell?” Simon asks as he slowly climbs to his feet. “So now we’re just being teleported whenever the gods want to screw with you?” He shoots Alec an accusatory look and Alec doesn’t respond because … well, it’s a warranted accusation.

Magnus chooses right then to step out of their bedroom and when Alec looks over at him, a childish, possessive spark shoots right through him. Magnus’ hair is mussed and his makeup is still smudged and it’s just – this is Alec’s. Magnus is far from just ‘The High Warlock of Alicante’ to the people in this room, but he’s not _this_ , either. They don’t get the soft Magnus that steps out of their bedroom, silk robe open and revealing, eyes still not fully adjusted to the light.

“Good morning,” Alec tells him from his spot in front of the oven. “We have company,” he adds carefully.

And Magnus, who is unnaturally tuned in to everything Alec doesn’t say, gives him a knowing smile and says, “I suppose I should make myself presentable then.” He turns back towards their room and Alec silently mourns the loss of the easy, comfortable Saturday morning he was supposed to have in bed with his husband.

“I didn’t know his hair even did that,” Simon comments, frowning. “I thought he just woke up and every strand was automatically in place.”

Magnus reemerges almost immediately, and Alec can’t figure out if he’s relieved that the private moments are still _his_ or if he’s disappointed that the bare chest is now hidden behind three layers of shirts.

Magnus directs a raised eyebrow towards Alec, one he can easily interpret as _Your turn_. Alec looks down and sees his loose sweatpants and worn t-shirt, vaguely aware that his hair is sticking straight up on the left and plastered to his temple on the right. He realizes that maybe Magnus wants this version of Alec to himself, too.

Alec turns back to the skillet and briefly tries to salvage the now-pointless breakfast he was cooking for Magnus in bed before putting the spatula down and heading towards the bedroom.

“Good morning,” he tells Magnus quietly as he leans down to leave a small kiss on his cheek. “Don’t let the eggs burn.”

He hears Jace mutter, “So, what, we just wait around for this asshole to make an appearance?”

Alec gets dressed quickly and tries to do something with his hair. By the time he heads back to join the others, there’s a man propped against the wall, one that vaguely resembles some nameless celebrity he’s maybe seen in a movie. The man is admittedly good-looking, bright blue eyes and light brown stubble dusting a striking jawline, but all Alec can think is _let’s get this over with_.

“Chronos, Alec,” Simon announces, gesturing between the two of them. “Alec, Chronos.”

“God of _Time_ ,” Izzy informs him with an unimpressed look. “Can we just get this over with?”

Chronos gives Alec a once-over. “Ah, so you’re the Alec Lightwood I’ve heard about?”

Alec stares at him, impassive. “Lightwood-Bane,” he says by way of an answer.

“Yes,” Chronos says with a toothy smile. “I’ve heard about the Bane half, too. Quite a pair you two make.”

“Sorry to interrupt but can I just ask why you decided to teleport us here?” Simon says. 

Chronos gives him a quizzical look. “Because you weren’t here,” he answers. 

“Okay but _why_? We’re not the ones that disturbed the sacred temple!” Simon argues. “We happened to be here the last few times you guys made a cameo, sure, but actively transporting us? I mean, come on, man, that’s a little much. Why are we still a part of this?”

Chronos still looks confused. “Because it’s more fun?" 

Simon’s mouth opens then immediately snaps shut. There’s really no arguing with that logic. 

Alec sighs. “So, what’s on your agenda? Time travel, turning back the clock to before we knew each other, what?”

Chronos watches him carefully, then slowly looks between all six of them before starting some kind of dramatic hand flourish. “I think – no, I think maybe let’s go back in time to revisit the worst moment of your life.”

Alec hears Clary gasp, but before anyone can respond or react, there’s a gray fog that starts to slowly but forcefully surround them. It swirls up to the ceiling then gradually dissipates, and they find themselves on the roof of a building. It’s cold and dark and unfamiliar. There’s a sudden, intense surge of shame and desperation reverberating through the bond, though, so it’s obviously not unfamiliar to Jace.

It’s a little surreal because it’s clearly not some kind of vague memory. Alec can feel the cement below his feet, can feel the wind that blows his messy hair into multiple directions. It’s cold, really cold, and goosebumps appear on his arms. 

Wherever and whenever they are, another Jace and Clary come into focus. They’re standing at the edge of the building rooftop, too far away to hear everything clearly but close enough to hear Jace’s faint, “I don’t love you. Not anymore,” directed to Clary. The embarrassment and shame and anger ringing through the bond doubles in strength and it’s too complex for Alec to figure out whose worst moment this actually is. From somewhere to his left, though, Alec hears Clary say, “Oh, Jace,” in a broken voice, and that’s enough for Alec to go on. He tries not to watch as past-Jace grabs past-Clary and hangs her over the edge of the building before callously flinging her over. The last thing Jace needs is an audience, so Alec does his best not to give him one. 

Instead, he tries to focus on anything but his _own_ worst moment. He knows what it’ll be, and there’s no way he’s going to relive that again, especially not standing next to Magnus. He thinks maybe if he can fixate on another moment, maybe that’s the one Chronos will choose. So he thinks of lonely nights in the institute as a teenager, thinks of watching Magnus leave for Edom – _twice,_ thinks of disappointed looks from a withholding mother, thinks of anything but that night he –

Suddenly, the image fades out of focus behind a curtain of smoke then slides back into a clear image. The six of them are standing in a bedroom at the institute; it’s Izzy’s room, Alec realizes. They all watch her, sweating and shivering and shaking, as she tosses and turns on the bed.

Alec’s relieved to feel the change in temperature, to feel carpet under his feet instead of the cold, dirty cement. The room smells fundamentally like _Izzy,_ though he would never be able to explain what that means. Despite the scene playing out in front of them, there’s a relief that washes over him, and he – 

“Oh god,” Izzy says under her breath, and the shame Alec feels for abandoning his sister during her moments of crisis is mirrored with Jace’s own, both echoing through the bond. Her brothers, they _both_ failed her, and she suffered addiction and withdrawal completely, utterly alone. He instinctively knows that this moment, this isn’t just another lonely afternoon for Izzy. This is a relapse. Of course Izzy’s worst moment wouldn’t be suffering through the addiction; it would be the moment she thought of herself as too weak to overcome it.

Again, he looks away to provide her a sense of dignity and tries to think of anything but his mother’s store, anything but Halloween.

Alec hears Simon try to offer some words of comfort to Isabelle but he’s quiet enough to keep the moment between the two of them. Alec looks to his left to see Magnus watching him carefully.

“Are you okay?” he asks Alec softly.

He gives a slight nod in response then hesitates. “Look, if –”

He’s not sure if he’s trying to warn Magnus or apologize, or maybe both, but he doesn’t get the chance to finish. Smoke clears and they’re standing in a dining room, the smell of honey and cucumber wafting through the air, mixed with a vague scent of blood and sweat. 

He realizes suddenly that they’re watching that psychopath vampire taunt past-Simon and two women that Alec assumes are his mother and sister. There’s blood on Simon’s face and Alec’s stomach drops when he realizes Simon is feeding on his own sister. A sympathy he didn’t know he was even capable of washes over him and he glances at Simon, the real Simon, who’s watching the scene before him with a stony face and mournful eyes. It’s too much for Alec, so he looks down at his hands and tries to focus on Magnus walking away from him in a hospital hallway or on the searing pain that ripped through him when Jace died.

But it doesn’t matter. Of course it doesn’t matter.

The smoke rises again, and before it even fully settles, the incense of the bookstore and the subtle hints of Magnus’ sandalwood invade his senses.

When Alec looks back up, he sees himself standing in his mother’s store and hears, _“Days ago, I didn’t know the spark inside of you, the one I fell in love with, was out for good.”_

Alec can’t breathe and shame pulses through him. The guilt and regret and helplessness he feels – it’s almost overpowering.

He’s actually _reliving_ the moment and feels immediately nauseous. It’s not like it’s simply playing out in front of him; he can actually _hear_ Magnus’ pleas like he’s only a few inches away; he can feel Magnus’ hands on his face, tugging him down for a desperate kiss. 

Alec drags his gaze over to the real Magnus, his Magnus. He doesn’t want to watch him relive this moment, but his need to always make sure Magnus is okay supersedes his desire to just close his eyes until it’s all over.

Magnus isn’t openly upset or angry or hurt, though. He’s simply watching as the past version of Alec tries to walk away, as he tries to avoid Magnus’ pleading eyes, as he tries and fails to not kiss Magnus one last time. And this version of Magnus, the _now_ version, almost looks… confused.

“Magnus,” Alec starts, voice unsteady and barely audible. Magnus doesn’t seem to hear him, though.

After a moment, Jace quietly says, “Whose moment is this?” 

Alec continues to watch Magnus, not able to meet anyone’s eyes. Not his parabatai, not even his sister, who knows exactly whose moment this is.

“Mine,” Alec says finally, and he knows he’ll never feel more guilty of anything in his life than he feels at this moment.

But when Magnus says, “Mine,” along with him, Alec realizes how wrong he was.

“What?” Alec asks, voice strangled.

Magnus, still watching the past Alec’s face as it’s gripped in the hands of the past Magnus, says in a pained voice, “You’re in so much pain. How did I not see it?”

Alec blinks. “What,” he repeats, dully.

“Look at you,” Magnus says, looking towards his husband as the past Alec walks out the door. “I don’t know how I could have missed how much you were hurting.”

“Stop,” Alec tells him with an edge to his voice. “Don’t you dare try to blame yourself for that moment.”

“I’m not,” Magnus replies, tone appeasing. “I’m just sorry I didn’t see it, that’s all.”

Alec is vaguely aware of being somewhere else, presumably in Clary’s worst memory, because he hears Jocelyn’s voice and maybe even Jonathan’s, but he’s focused on Magnus. “I mean it, Magnus; you’re not allowed to apologize for that,” he says, voice still tense. And then, because his brain can’t stop fixating on it, “ _That?_ That’s your worst moment?”

Magnus gives him a cautious look. “You’re upset.”

“You wouldn’t be?” Alec asks, eyebrows raised. “You’ve lived for centuries, Magnus. You have lifetimes of moments: people you loved died, people betrayed you and broke your heart, god, _Camille_ , and I’m in your worst moment?”

“No,” Magnus says with a frown, gesturing to the space where their past versions just stood. “You _weren’t_ there; that’s the point. I was so… alone. There was nothing left to lose.”

When Alec doesn’t respond, Magnus takes a few steps towards him and puts his palm on Alec’s cheek. “Yes, I’ve lost lovers and friends before, but nothing has compared to losing _you_ , Alexander.”

He knows it’s supposed to make him feel better, significant even, and maybe it does a little, but it just intensifies the guilt still ricocheting through him. Apparently no one has ever had the ability to hurt Magnus quite like Alec can, and Alec fucked it up.

Magnus’ eyes roam over Alec’s face, and Alec knows that the unrelenting shame is still radiating out of every part of him.

A sudden noise breaks the moment and they both look around to find themselves back in the apartment. Simon and Isabelle are clutching each other in a fierce hug while Jace and Clary press their foreheads together, openly emotional. Chronos stands a few feet away, once again leaning casually against the wall.

“How was that for everyone?” Chronos asks, grinning. He looks pleased and self-satisfied as he scans the room to see the miserable, exhausted faces of the six of them. “Looks like you all had fun. Shall we do one more?”

Magnus gives Alec a brief, considering look before turning to Chronos. “How many worst moments could we possibly have?”

Chronos cocks his head. “I’m sure we could pull another out.” He begins his obnoxious flourish.

“Yes, or…” Magnus says

Chronos gives him a poorly-disguised look of curiosity. “Or?”

“Why not show us the happiest moment in our life,” Magnus suggests. “There’s bound to be consequences for all of us, don’t you think?”

Chronos mulls it over and shrugs. “How so?”

Magnus frowns and gestures to the other four. “This bunch has been part of a, well ‘love triangle’ doesn’t really cover it; it’s been more like an octagon, I suppose, so imagine the fun you’ll have watching them learn the best moments of their loved one’s lives,” he says.

“Okay, what?” Simon says, breaking free from Isabelle. “That’s low, man.”

And he’s not wrong, Alec thinks vaguely. Who knows what the four of them will see; who knows how Izzy will react to whichever moment is the best moment of her boyfriend’s life, especially if she’s not in it. Alec has it easy. Magnus is in his, whatever it might be –

And then he tenses. Alec’s not sure which is his happiest moment but he’s confident that it’s not something he wants everyone to be a part of. If it’s his wedding day, then sure, he’s fine with it, but if it’s something more personal –

Chronos is still watching Magnus with a look of amusement. “And you’ve lived centuries. I can only imagine what your poor husband will see in your best moment.”

Alec swallows because he didn’t even think of that. Objectively, he knows – he’s _accepted –_ all of the loves Magnus had before him. Alec made peace with it long ago, but watching it play out live, that’ll sting a little. Before he could dive too far down that rabbit hole, though, he felt Magus reach for his hand. Alec’s not really prepared for what he’s about to see, but Magnus’ hand grounds him a little.

Chronos pretends to think it over, but Alec can tell he’s intrigued by the idea and ready to go.

“Good luck to all of you,” he says with a grin that makes Alec feel cold all over.

He does his dramatic hand flourish and the smoke surrounds them. Magnus makes quick eye-contact with the rest of the group, lingering on Simon. “I think this is the best option; trust me.”

Simon eyes him but eventually nods his head.

When the fog settles, they’re in a classroom full of children.

“What the –” Jace starts, looking unsettled.

Alec has to squint against the fluorescent light and wrinkles his nose in response to the smell. It’s like apple juice and milk and maybe even a little vomit, all rolled into one overpowering scent. He looks down to make sure he’s not stepping in anything, and he’s relieved to see that it just looks like an old, stained carpet, no urine or vomit anywhere in sight. 

Clary and Simon let out a simultaneous laugh and Simon says, “Is that seriously what my hair looked like?”

“We’re so young,” Clary says, wistful.

“Yeah,” Simon agrees, looking as a young Clary and a young Simon play with what Alec hopes is clay. Judging by the still-overpowering smell, though, he really can’t be too sure. 

They both look fondly at their younger versions. “Yeah, I could see this being the best moment of my life,” Simon says. “I think I get it.”

Suddenly, he looks at Izzy warily. “This looks bad, I know, and it’s not like you’re not in so many of my best moments! I think it’s just –”

Alec tries to tune him out because it’s not something he wants to hear, or even know in general. But he hears his sister say, “You’re in kindergarten; calm down, Simon!”

Alec is desperately relieved to hear that there’s no anger or resentment in her voice. “Besides,” she continues, “If you hadn’t met Clary in kindergarten, you wouldn’t have the most amazing girlfriend now.”

And then Alec thinks he hears kissing and god, hopefully that’s as far as it’ll go. He also thinks, _sorry for you, Chronos; you didn’t get lucky on that one_.

The smoke rises and the smoke settles, and the scene could not be any more different than a bright classroom. It’s now dark and possibly in an alley somewhere. It reeks of garbage and Alec has to take a few steps to his right, because he’s pretty sure he was just stepping on broken glass. When he squints against the darkness, he sees himself and Jace running before the past-Jace stops and talks to Clary. Alec glances over to the _now_ -Jace wearing a slightly smug smile. “Meeting me, yeah I could see how that would be the best moment of your life.” He’s teasing though, and Clary rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, or because finding out I was a Shadowhunter is the best thing to happen to me, and this was the very beginning.”

Jace shrugs, unconvinced. “Yeah, or it was me.”

Clary pushes at him playfully and they share a meaningful look. Alec thinks, _another loss for you, Chronos_.

The smoke rises, but Alec barely notices. He’s so caught up in the innocence of the moments so far, and how great it would be if Chronos left completely empty-handed, that he forgets he’s got a moment coming, too. And he’s desperately hoping that it’ll be as wholesome as the ones they’ve just seen.

When the smoke settles again, Alec sees that he’s in the middle of his own wedding reception. He’s not surprised that this would be the best moment of his life… but he also kind of is. He looks around, though, and notices that he and Magnus are a few tables away talking to his mom, Luke, Izzy, and Simon, while Jace and Clary are slow dancing. And past-Jace has a look Alec has never quite seen before. Peaceful. Content.

Despite himself, and despite that he’s now pretty sure this isn’t his moment, Alec smiles. He may not have been content for the same reasons Jace was, but he still remembers the feeling of peace and completeness and relief. He had to fight for that night and to say those vows and to celebrate their relationship, he and Magnus both did, and he can still remember thinking, _we did it._

But this isn’t his moment. 

He glances over to Jace, curious, and sees him staring at the table of his family, a look of nostalgia written all over his face. Alec doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t want to ruin this moment for him, but Jace eventually says, “Yeah, I get it. It makes sense.”

“My wedding?” Alec asks.

“Yes,” Jace answers. “No. Kind of.”

Alec raises his eyebrow because that’s the exact opposite of an answer. 

“We were all together, you know?” Jace continues. “Mom and Luke, Izzy and Simon, me and Clary. We were all just happy. And you and Magnus – do you even know what the bond felt like that day? It was… overwhelming.”

Alec feels momentarily self-conscious until he meets Magnus’ eyes. And he looks beautiful. Happy, pleased, and beautiful.

“It was just a good moment. We went through so much shit, all of us, and we came out the other side.”

Alec wants to look around and savor the moment, to enjoy the music and the hum of chatter and smell of spilled champagne, but the fog comes too quickly.

And then.

Then they’re suddenly standing in Magnus’ bedroom, _their_ bedroom, and Alec’s stomach drops when he realizes what moment this is.

“Oh no,” he says under his breath.

“Oh _no_ ,” Simon says emphatically.

Past-Magnus and past-Alec are stumbling towards the bed, laughing and fumbling with their clothes, and _of course_ everyone has to be here to witness Alec’s first time.

“This is –” Alec starts. “Everyone look away.” He uses his most authoritative tone, one he saves for the Institute, but no one seems to listen.

He tries not to watch his past-self tug impatiently at Magnus’ clothes or watch past-Magnus fall on top of past-Alec as they tumble into bed. His face heats up when he thinks about how everyone is now part of possibly the most private, intimate moment of Alec’s entire life. This is not theirs to experience, but there’s not much he can do about it. He wonders if the others can feel the huff of past-Magnus’ laugh against their skin, if they can taste the vague traces of Merlot during each kiss, or if they have a fluttering in their stomach every time Magnus smiles down at him. He’s annoyed at the idea of his friends getting to share that experience. 

And then Alec starts to … _physically react_ … when past-Alec sees Magnus’ cat eyes for the first time – and he desperately hopes they’re not experiencing _that_ , too.

“Huh,” Jace says. “This is not how I pictured it.”

“Why are you even picturing anything?” Alec asks, eyes narrowed, but relieved that Jace apparently isn’t reliving this as intensely as Alec is. 

“I just mean – look at you,” Jace continues. “Why don’t you ever look like that anywhere else?”

“You mean naked?” Simon asks, eyebrows raised.

“No, I mean like… smiling,” he answers.

“Okay,” Alec interrupts, watching Magnus’ reaction from the corner of his eye. He seems amused and maybe a little touched, but not embarrassed or insulted at the realization that the best moment of Alec’s life is, at first glance, all about sex.

The fog rises _finally_ but when it settles again, there’s no real difference in scenery, more of a subtle shift than a change. They’re still standing in their bedroom, staring at the gold sheets on the bed, but this time, the Alec from the past is asleep under the covers while the past Magnus watches him sleep, gently pushing Alec’s hair off his forehead. 

Alec looks to Magnus questioningly. He doesn’t know this moment. Magnus doesn’t meet his eyes, though; he simply continues to watch the scene replay in front of him, and Alec eventually looks back to watch it, too. He tries to ignore the flush rising up his neck at the idea that his friends and family are seeing him naked. _Again_.

Past-Magnus’ hand is no longer gently pushing at Alec’s hair. Now, his fingers are carefully tracing the rune on the sleeping Alec’s forearm. Alec catches a glimpse of the wedding ring on Magnus’ finger, so he at least has a reference point as he tries to figure out when exactly they are.

And suddenly, it clicks. This past Magnus has been playing with his Alec’s hair and tracing his runes, but the sleeping Alec hasn’t even stirred. The last time Alec slept this soundly was the day they all returned from Edom. Alec hadn’t slept comfortably in days, at first because he was trying to get adjusted to sleeping in a bed alone for the first time in months, unable to stop replaying Magnus’ desperate pleas of _stay with me_. And then when they reunited in Alicante, it was only long enough to get engaged before Magnus disappeared again to seal the rift, so Alec had returned to mostly-sleepless nights as he tried to figure out how to get Magnus back. Again.

“That’s your favorite moment?” Alec asks him, confused. When the fog rises and settles, he doesn’t focus on anything else, not even whatever Izzy’s best moment is. His eyes are trained on Magnus. “It’s so uneventful. And I’m not even, you know, _conscious_.”

“It is,” Magnus answers, voice wistful and fond. “I had never felt more loved by another person than I did in that moment.”

Alec’s light indignation fades at Magnus’ words. “Oh.” And then: “But… I’m naked.”

Magnus gives him a look. “I’m not tastefully clothed in your moment either, Alexander.”

Alec mulls that over. “Okay, true, but you know it had nothing to do with how clothed we were.”

“Oh?” Magnus asks, amused. “How so?”

Alec doesn’t say anything as he tries to come up with the words to explain, words that probably won’t do it justice it anyway. “I was free,” Alec says quietly. “For the first time, I felt free.”

And _free_ is such an inadequate word, but it’s all he can come up with.

Magnus’ amusement slides into a sad smile. “I’m sorry it took you so long to feel free.”

Alec shrugs it off because he barely remembers those days anymore. He spent decades feeling trapped and it’s only been a few years since he climbed his way out, but all of those years pale in comparison to the little time he’s spent with Magnus. There was never an in-between. Alec was alone and brittle until that kiss at his first attempt at a wedding, and then he was just… all-in. No looking back. 

Alec snaps out of his thoughts when he hears laughter from the other four and realizes they’re back in the apartment and in the-here-and-now. The others are talking excitedly about something, though Alec couldn’t really care less.

Chronos looks between the six of them with a self-satisfied grin, but it quickly fades into disappointment when he sees their good spirits and hears their laughter.

“Well-played, Mr. Bane,” Chronos says. “It looks like you got the happy ending you wanted.”

“In more ways than one,” Magnus says plainly and with a withering look, as if he’s bored with Chronos and his entire game. “And it’s Lightwood-Bane, if you don’t mind.”

Chronos rolls his eyes. He glances around the room and apparently comes to the conclusion that he can’t really do any more damage here, not after that they just saw. So he starts to do that ridiculous hand flourish, but then he pauses.

“I’d like to congratulate you all before I go,” Chronos says – but with a tone that clearly indicates nothing he says will be congratulatory at all. He turns his gaze first to Simon.

“I’m so glad you were able to make peace with the fact that the best moment of your life happened at six years old. Since then, it’s been blood-drinking and failed relationships and the destruction of your family, but it’s nice to see that you’ve come to terms with it.” Simon blinks, speechless.

“And you,” Chronos says to Izzy. “How quaint that your self-worth is so wrapped up in just one decision. You define your life off of one choice and it’s just so… adorably human.” Like Simon before her, Izzy does nothing but stare.

He turns to Clary next. “And the same goes for you. Your entire identity is based off of one small facet of your life, and you don’t seem to mind. I commend you for your acceptance of your simplicity.” Clary looks embarrassed and lowers her eyes.

“Your codependency is refreshing,” Chronos tells Jace. “It’s not often that you meet someone who can only be happy when others are happy, so congratulations on your individuality.” Jace narrows his eyes, but again, says nothing.

Alec tenses when Chronos’ gaze falls on him. “And what can we say about your sweet naiveté? You fall into bed so easily with the first man who shows interest then break his heart just as easily. Refusing to acknowledge what your life could have been if you hadn’t settled so quickly, that must be such hard work and I applaud your strength.” Alec is so stunned at his words that his brain can barely catch up, so he stands there helpless, soundless.

Finally, Chronos turns to Magnus. “And how about you, Mr. Bane? So surprised when your inexperienced Shadowhunter wants you and so painfully resigned when he doesn’t anymore. Your self-awareness is to be praised.” Magnus stands there, back ramrod straight, but a vulnerability in his eyes that undermines his posture.

“And with that, I’ll leave you all to enjoy your successes,” Chronos tells them with his ridiculous smirk before performing his obnoxious hand flourish.

Then he’s gone and the six of them stand there, shaken and silent.

“What he said,” Clary says suddenly, turning to Jace. “It’s wrong; _he’s_ wrong. The fact that the happiness of your family brings you peace – that’s beautiful. It’s loving and selfless and considerate and – and you are so much more than what he tried to reduce you to.”

Jace nods, but Alec can tell he doesn’t fully hear her, not yet. Clary is nothing if not persistent, though, and he’s pretty sure she’ll be able to put his parabatai in the right headspace. Eventually.

Alec takes her lead and turns to Magnus. “What he said,” Alec starts, grabbing Magnus’ hands in his own. “I know you don’t believe any of it but still, I want to, I don’t know, just –”

But Magnus doesn’t meet his eyes, just stares down at their entwined fingers.

Alec furrows his eyebrows. “You don’t believe it,” he says again with a confidence that’s beginning to fade. “I know you don’t. You can’t possibly think…”

Magnus looks up finally and gives him a smile, one that’s so blatantly fake that it makes Alec stomach twist.

“Are you serious?” Alec says, lowering his voice and sounding distressed. “How can you believe anything he said?”

After a long pause that Alec refuses to break, Magnus says, “It’s not that I believe what he said, Alexander. It’s just that…”

When he trails off and doesn’t finish, Alec asks, “What? It’s just what?” He sounds pained, stunned that Magnus has thought, all these years, thought that Alec _settled_.

“You never thought about it, not once? About what else was out there? What would have happened if you didn’t marry the first man you slept with?”

“What?” Alec chokes out. “No. Never. Not once.”

Magnus gives him a disbelieving look.

And something in Alec kind of… snaps. “When Magnus Bane is in love with you,” he says forcefully, maybe even a little indignant, “Everyone else is a step down.”

When Magnus doesn’t say anything, Alec thinks back to the moment they both watched just minutes ago and Chronos’ resentful words and says, “Is _that_ what you meant about being vulnerable that night? You thought I would see what was out there after we slept together?”

“It’s just that I was your first everything –” he starts.

“You’ve seriously thought that all this time?” Alec interrupts, unable to keep the hurt out of his voice.

“No,” Magnus says adamantly, squeezing Alec’s fingers tightly. “Who you are, the way you love, I couldn’t possibly think that anymore.”

Alec swallows, pulse slowing back to its normal pace. “Good. I – good.”

They watch each other for a few moments until Magnus pushes himself up on the balls of his feet to kiss Alec. Fiercely, heatedly, possessively. Alec is taken aback until his brain catches up, then returns the kiss with everything he has. They leave their foreheads pressed together and, in their silence, Alec can hear the others having hushed conversations as well, undoubtedly dismissing everything Chronos said as insistently as Alec is trying to right now.

“I love you,” Magnus says, face still inches away from Alec’s.

“I love you, too,” he replies quietly.

When Magnus pulls away, he looks at Alec earnestly, and he must see some residual hurt in his eyes, because he says, “You saw my best moment, Alexander. You were there. It was all about you and how much I loved you, how loved I felt _by_ you.”

Which Alec still doesn’t really understand, but sure. “I wasn’t even awake.”

Magnus smiles slightly. “You had just come to rescue me,” he says. And then: “From _Edom_ ,” he clarifies, like maybe Alec wasn’t there.

“Okay,” Alec says slowly. “Did you think we wouldn’t?”

Magnus arches his eyebrow, still wearing that same small smile, but Alec doesn’t find it funny at all.

He pulls back. “Wait, did you think I wouldn’t?”

“It’s Edom,” Magnus says plainly. “And you’ve got angelic blood. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that –”

“Yes,” Alec interrupts, not really caring what else Magnus was going to say. “I will always come for you, just like I know you’ll always come for me. Leaving you there was _completely_ out of the realm of possibility.”

Whatever it is Magnus sees on Alec’s face, he eventually nods. They watch each other for several long moments until Magnus says, “Let’s lie down, Shadowhunter.”

It’s mid-afternoon but Alec doesn’t care. “Yeah, okay,” he says. 

They don’t even wave goodbye to the others as they head to the bedroom to lie down. They both toe off their boots, and Magnus removes a few layers of clothing before they climb under the covers. Magnus pulls him close, tight, and Alec thinks distantly that maybe he understands what Magnus has been trying to say. These gods are horrible, and their games are cruel, but there seems to be something that comes from them each time. 

Magnus - he now knows things he somehow didn’t know before, like how Alec feels contentment and gratitude when he thinks about marrying the first man that wanted him, never _never_ regret or curiosity. 

And yes, his heart aches knowing that he hurt Magnus more than anyone ever has. But it also swells when he realizes, _Me. It’s me; I get his best moment. And I’m going to get all of them from here on out, too._


	5. Ananke (Necessity)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec takes a step forward. “And you are?”
> 
> “Ananke,” she answers with a small curtsey. She’s petite with sleek brown hair cut bluntly at the shoulder. There’s something about her that seems almost child-like, but Alec has learned by now not to trust any of them.
> 
> “That’s not what I meant,” Alec tells her.
> 
> “Ah,” she says. “The Goddess of Necessity.”
> 
> “Necessity?” Magnus asks. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
> 
> “It means,” she says, voice deliberate and clear, “that there’s something you need to do, and you need to do it the way it needs to be done.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for SHBingo 2020-2021  
> square: fake relationship  
> applicable tags: mission fic, fake/pretend relationship, Alec Lightwood & Simon Lewis

“Okay, so here’s the problem,” Simon’s voice says to them over speakerphone.

“What?” Alec sighs. “What is the problem?” It’s nine in the morning and he’s already had his fill of Simon Lewis.

“Well, we’ve been doing some digging.”

“Oh?” Magnus says, from next to Alec on the couch, suddenly interested in the conversation.

“No,” Alec answers, shaking his head to Magnus. “He means he was on his phone reading stories online. Most of it’s not even real.”

“Okay, I showed you TMZ _one_ time and suddenly you don’t trust the entirety of the internet,” Simon says, sounding annoyed.

“What did you find?” Magnus asks, before Alec can come up with some cutting insult to throw at his sister’s boyfriend.

“It’s about the curse. How to break it.”

“Wait, what?” Alec says, straightening up. 

“Simon!” Izzy calls from somewhere in the background. “That’s probably not how you should have started it!”

“Oh. Right,” Simon says. “Yeah, that was kind of misleading.”

“What, _what_ was misleading?” Alec asks, no longer trying to keep the impatience out of his voice. 

“Well, it’s more like how we _can’t_ break it. We think maybe we _shouldn’t_ break it.”

Alec shakes his head, staring at the phone. “What are you talking about?” And then: “Just put Izzy on the phone.”

There’s some fumbling and some arguing followed by Izzy’s voice. “Alec, it’s just that we found a lot of scary stuff. When these gods are betrayed or someone cheats them, they go crazy. Like turn-people-into-deer-so-their-dogs-eat-them crazy. Or switch-your-hair-into-a-pile-of-snakes crazy. Or transform-you-into-a-plant crazy. One of them –”

“Okay, okay, I get it; they’re crazy,” Alec interrupts. 

“And there are just so many of them. Even if we find something, how would we know if it would stop them all? Just _one_ , Alec, if just one of them manages to evade us, who knows what would happen.”

“So are you actually suggesting we just… keep letting them do this?” he asks.

Izzy’s quiet for a moment. “Yes, Alec. I don’t want to end up like one of the people in those stories.”

Alec looks towards Magnus, who’s been silent for the conversation. Alec gives him a questioning look. 

“She’s right,” Magnus says softly. “I’ve read some horrifying endings.”

“So just – sit here and wait?” Alec confirms.

Magnus doesn’t answer at first. “The idea of you becoming ground zero in one of those stories, I couldn’t live with it, Alexander.”

Alec searches his eyes and sees only resignation there.

“Okay,” he says, gaze unwavering. “We’ll wait it out for now.”

He hears Izzy sigh in relief on the other end of the line. “Thank you, Alec.”

He ends the call and gives Magnus a crooked smile. “We’ll be okay.”

Magnus returns the smile and places his hand on Alec’s cheek. “We always are, aren’t we?”

“And it’s a good idea,” a female voice says from behind the open doors of the patio. They both jump from the couch so fast that Alec feels like he has whiplash.

“I mean, _honestly_ , how difficult is it to knock?” Magnus says. 

“We should probably be used to it by now,” Alec mutters under his breath.

The woman looks around and hums to herself. “This really is a beautiful place. You’ve done well for yourself.”

Magnus watches her suspiciously. “Thank you,” he says, though there’s no sincerity there.

Alec takes a step forward. “And you are?”

“Ananke,” she answers with a small curtsey. She’s petite with sleek brown hair cut bluntly at the shoulder. There’s something about her that seems almost child-like, but Alec has learned by now not to trust any of them.

“That’s not what I meant,” Alec tells her.

“Ah,” she says. “The Goddess of Necessity.”

“Necessity?” Magnus asks. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” she says, voice deliberate and clear, “that there’s something you need to do, and you need to do it the way it needs to be done.”

Alec squints at her. “What?”

“Another game?” Magnus says. “Another challenge?”

She shakes her head, eyes wide. “No, no. A mission.”

Alec falters because a mission… that’s something he can do. He’s a soldier, or at least he was, and this is something he can handle. “What kind of mission?” he asks warily.

“A trade,” Ananke answers. She waves her hand in a small circle, similar to the way Alec’s watched Magnus pull something out of midair, and a small egg-shaped object appears in her hand. It’s a pearly white and Alec wonders what it does. “This for an ancient spindle.”

She looks around and suddenly realizes the three of them are alone in the apartment. “But where are the others?”

“What others?” Alec asks.

“The others,” she repeats, like that’s supposed to help them understand.

“The Shadowhunters?” Magnus tries.

“Yes, probably,” Ananke answers with an unconcerned shrug. “But no matter.” She circles her hands in mid-air again, this time making a much wider circle, and after a few moments, Izzy and Clary stumble out of the invisible circle in the middle of the circle. They look around, both puzzled, until their eyes settle on Ananke. Izzy rolls her eyes and says, “Here we go again.”

Moments later, Jace tumbles out of the circle and falls flat on his back, Simon following right after and landing on top of him. They freeze for a moment and Clary giggles. “Do you two want a moment alone?”

They scramble off each other and quickly take in their surroundings.

“Okay, _why_?” Simon groans aloud. “We don’t deserve this.”

Izzy elbows him and turns her gaze on Ananke. “So what’s your name, who are you, what are we doing, and where are we going?”

Ananke curtsies again. “Ananke, Goddess of Necessity, trading ancient artifacts, Vancouver.”

“Vancouver?” Jace repeats skeptically.

“It’s in Canada,” Simon tells him.

Jace shoots him an annoyed look. “I know where Vancouver is.”

“Ancient artifacts?” Magnus asks warily. “Why?”

“Because,” is all Ananke says.

After she doesn’t elaborate, Alec says, “Okay, so an egg for a spindle and you won’t tell us why. Do we get anything more solid than that or are we on our own?”

“Of course not,” she says brightly. “You need to know the rules.”

“Rules?” Clary asks curiously. And of course that’s what she’d fixate on, Alec thinks; she’s never been a fan of them. “Why do we need rules?”

“Because,” Ananke says again. She waves her hand, and an image appears – an older, portly man with a gray goatee and a pleasant smile.

“Don’t be deceived,” she warns them. “Mr. Eugene Gold is a shrewd man, very cynical and very paranoid. He has a severe dislike of anyone from the Shadow World. Seelies and vampires, yes,” she says with a pointed look in Simon’s direction before turning to Clary and Jace, “But with Shadowhunters and warlocks most of all.” Then she pauses and meets Alec’s eyes. “And high-ranking Shadowhunters would top his list.”

“Okay,” Jace says, shrugging. “So we play dress up and act like mundanes. Easy.”

“No,” she says immediately. “It’s not that easy. There are rules.”

“Why?” Izzy asks. “What’s the point of the rules?”

Unsurprisingly, Ananke answers, “Because.”

Alec can feel the annoyance rolling off everyone in waves. “What are the rules then?”

She lights up. “I’m so glad you asked!” She looks around the group, face suddenly serious. “Firstly, Eugene cannot know my involvement. He must think you came into this on your own.”

“What _is_ it?” Clary asks.

“It’s primal egg of creation,” she says, tone serious. “It’s responsible for the heaven, the earth, and the sea.”

Simon raises his eyebrows. “That – is… intimidating. We’re just supposed to carry around a Universe Egg?”

“Yes,” she says. “Second, this must all be done organically. No Shadowhunter runes or warlock magic. Lastly, and most importantly, you two are not married.” She gestures between Alec and Magnus.

Alec is silent for a moment then raises his eyebrows. “What?”

“You two,” she says, chipper, “For the entirety of the mission, you must _not_ be a couple.”

The room is silent.

“Can you even do that?” Simons asks Alec cautiously. “No offense, but what are the odds that you can pull that off?”

Alec bristles but doesn’t actually take offense 

“I don’t understand,” Magnus says finally. “What’s the purpose of this mission? What’s the point of that rule?”

Ananke smiles sweetly and says – 

“ _Because_ ,” Simon fills in for her.

“It’s a _necessity_ of the mission,” she says brightly. 

Alec looks warily at Magnus. These punishments have been awful, but at least they’ve done them together, side-by-side. Magnus watches him back, and Alec, despite being only a few feet away, already feels lonely. 

“Hold out your hands,” Ananke says, breaking their moment. In seconds, the six of them are all holding a small blue book and a stack of colorful bills.

“I’ve always wanted a passport!” Simon says.

Jace eyes the stack of red and gold papers and frowns. “This is Canadian money?" 

"This is _a lot_ of Canadian money,” Clary notes. 

“I hope you can have fun with this,” Ananke says. “Pair up as you see fit!" 

"Pair up?” Alec asks, pocketing the book and the money. He’s already pretty sure he doesn’t like the sound of this. 

“Well sure,” she says, smiling. “This could be fun if you look at it that way! There are only a few rules to the game so there’s a lot you can do within those constraints.”

“Dibs on Magnus!” Jace calls out, startling the room. 

Alec is annoyed for reasons he doesn’t understand. “You can’t call _dibs_ on people.”

Jace shrugs. “I just did.”

"It’s like gym class and waiting to be picked for dodgeball,” he hears Simon say. 

“What?” Alec asks, a little more irritably than he meant. 

“You know, like waiting for the captains of the team to pick you, and you _do not_ want to be last, so there’s a lot of pressure, and your self-esteem is on the line. Possibly the most stressful five minutes of elementary school, and it just happens all over again on kickball day –”

“I’m not… picking anyone,” Alec interrupts. 

“No,” Magnus says, the first thing he’s said in minutes. “I’m not doing this alone, Alexander. If I’m stuck with him –" 

"Hey!" 

"– then you have to choose, too." 

Alec sighs and looks at the other three. Obviously Izzy is out, because he’s not spending this mission acting like he’s married to his sister. Which means… oh god.

He glances between Clary and Simon, but apparently he deliberates for too long because Simon eventually says, "Come on, seriously? You like guys and I am the _only_ guy on the table. How is this a decision for you?" 

Alec isn’t really sure how to respond to that, but before he can, Izzy chimes in, "Wait, no fair. I don’t want to be the only one not in a pretend relationship, missing out on the fun!" 

"This isn’t _fun_ ,” Alec says, eyebrows furrowed. This whole thing sounds terrible, and he doesn’t understand why everyone else is excited about it. 

“It can be,” Izzy argues. “Dibs on Clary.”

“You can’t call dibs on people,” Alec points out again.

“Aww,” Clary says, smiling. 

Alec drags his eyes over to Simon, who looks a little deflated. “Last for dodgeball. Again,” he sighs. 

“Great!” Ananke says, clasping her hands together excitedly. “You’ve got your passports and your money – oh I should probably get you some plant tickets, there you go – and you’re ready! Just remember, it’s a necessity for you to leave my role out of it, to appear as if you know nothing of the Shadow World and for you two,” she gestures to Magnus and Alec, “to stay away from each other. To the airport you go!”

Alec glances over to Magnus and feels another pang of loneliness. 

*

While they wait for their plane in the airport terminal:

“Would you have done it differently?” Simon asks him, scooting a little closer on the uncomfortably rubbery chairs.

Alec shifts away. “Done what differently?” he replies.

“The whole temple thing. If you had known you’d be pretend-married to your sister’s boyfriend, ready to board a plane – while your husband is snuggled up close to your parabatai – would you still have defiled the holy grounds?”

Alec quickly glances to his left to see Magnus reading a book, Jace nowhere in sight.

“They’re not snuggling,” Alec says instead of answering. “And we didn’t defile anything.”

Simon shrugs. “But I mean, you kind of did.”

Alec ignores him and glances behind him to see the plane pulling up to the gate.

“Oh thank god,” he whispers to himself.

Simon shoots him a look. “Well, that was uncalled for.”

*

While they wait in line to board:

“So are you taking my last name? Am I taking yours?” Simon asks, breaking the silence that Alec was gratefully enjoying.

“What?” Alec says, eyebrows raised.

“Alec Lewis? Simon Lightwood?” he says, partially to himself. “They actually both sound good.”

Alec stares at him.

“You’re right,” Simon says. “We should hyphenate. Alec Lightwood-Lewis? Or Alec Lewis-Lightwood? I like both of them, honestly. I’ll leave it up to you.”

Alec still says nothing. This is genuinely his nightmare.

“Really?” Simon says, frowning. “No preference?”

And even though the last thing Alec wants to do is give Simon more fuel for the fire, he finds himself saying, “That’s not my last name.”

Simon hesitates. “Oh. Oh, right. Alec Lightwood-Bane-Lewis, then?” He watches Alec warily, and something he sees there… “Or maybe – maybe we just keep our own names?”

“Yeah, maybe we just keep our own names,” Alec repeats.

*

And after they’ve settled into their seats and taken flight:

“Kids? Are we having kids?” Simon asks.

Alec closes his eyes briefly then looks over to see Simon watching him hopefully. “Let’s talk about having a family, Alexander.”

There’s a sharp surge of _something_ that shoots through him, and Alec isn’t sure exactly what expression it triggers, but Simon’s eyes widen. “Alec, I meant Alec.”

“Anything to eat or drink?” a sweet voice from the aisle asks. Alec looks up to see the flight attendant holding up a small bag of cookies and a water bottle.

Alec shakes his head. “We’re fine, thanks.”

The woman, whose name tag reads _Bridget_ , smiles at them and says, “You two make a lovely couple.”

Simon makes a delighted sound and Alec drops his head, defeated. “Oh my god,” he whispers to himself.

Bridget moves to push her beverage cart further down the aisle, but Alec stops her.

“Wait. What about liquor?” he asks. “Do you have any of that?”

She smiles and digs around to find a few small bottles of various liquor. “Which would you like, dear?”

Alec doesn’t even spare the bottles a glance. “Just all of them, please.”

*

As they leave the airport, Alec moves to stand by Magnus through the revolving doors. “I can’t do this anymore,” he says, quietly enough that only Magnus can hear. "Can you do something?" 

Magnus watches him, concerned. “Are you okay?” When Alec shoots him a look, he continues, “Or just annoyed?”

Alec huffs out a skeptical laugh. “Annoyed was this morning when he quizzed me about my coffee order and favorite breakfast food, or this afternoon when he spent an hour giving me the play-by-play of something called a Thanos.”

Magnus gives him a sympathetic look.

“Now I’ve moved on to homicidal, Magnus.”

Magnus’ hand hovers over Alec’s arm before letting it fall back to his side, apparently second-guessing his attempt to comfort, and Alec aches for just even a brief touch. “I know it’s supposed to be an excruciating pain to lose one’s parabatai, Alexander, but if I have to hear one more elaborate tale of recklessness, I may not have a choice.”

Alec shakes his head and sighs. The others join them on the sidewalk as they wait for something called an Uber to take them to the antique store.

It’s cold and raining just enough to make it annoying, but he stands next to Magnus while they wait, and it’s the most relaxed he’s felt all day.

*

When they see the faded CLOSED sign perched on the windowsill, Simon sighs and says, "Did no one check the website for their hours?" 

"Closed until tomorrow,” Izzy says, peering at the sign hanging from the door. “Looks like we’re crashing here tonight, guys." 

The rest of them seem excited to drag out the trip, and why shouldn’t they? It’s fun for them, playing pretend and partner-swapping. But Alec, he’s just tired. He’s already over this whole thing and it’s only been half a day. He meets Magnus’ gaze, and Alec tries to hide his exhaustion with a crooked smile.

They only have to walk a few blocks before finding a small motel. It’s seen better days, but it also doesn’t look like it has a bedbug infestation, so they count it as a win. 

They order three rooms and Alec thinks, for one beautiful moment, that he’ll at least get to enjoy a night of peace. Sure, they have to be friends in public, but in private they’re not doing anything wrong. It rubs Alec the wrong way, treating Magnus like a secret, but he’ll take it over sleeping alone. 

Keys in hand, they head towards their respective rooms when a chipper voice calls out, "Just checking in! How is everything going so far?" 

The six of them whip around to see Ananke waiting outside the door. Alec’s stomach immediately drops. 

"Getting a hotel?” she says, curiously. 

“The store was closed,” Alec tells her. “We’ll go back tomorrow.”

She hums to herself. “And how are the rules going?" 

"Fine,” Alec says tersely.

“We’ve walked everywhere, like mundanes,” Magnus adds. “No portals of any kind.”

“And the other rule?" 

Simon seems to read Alec’s body language because he answers for him. "Great, it’s going really great. See? Alec and I have our room key right here.”

“Wonderful,” she says. “Thrilled to hear it. Well, I’ll check in again later!” And then she’s gone. 

Alec looks over to Magnus and gives him a resigned look. “I’ll – see you tomorrow I guess.”

Magnus nods, and Alec thinks maybe he sees his own defeated expression mirrored on Magnus’. “Good night, Alexander." 

As he and Simon walk quietly to their room, Alec can’t help but feel frustrated with himself. It’s not that big of a deal so why is he making it one? 

Simon opens the door, and they step in a small but clean room. Alec’s eyes dart between the two beds, feeling immediately relieved. He pulls off his boots then quickly slides into one of the beds, wanting to avoid as much conversation as possible. He doesn’t bother to change or even take off his shirt. There’s a comfort and intimacy inherent there, and that’s not something he’s willing to share.

Simon follows suit and seems to understand Alec’s need for silence. He doesn’t say much as he flips off the lamp then climbs under the blankets of his own bed, and Alec hears him begin to softly snore after a few minutes. Alec lies there for almost an hour, though, occasionally glancing towards the clock on the table.

Suddenly the snoring stops, and Simon eventually asks, “Having trouble sleeping?”

Alec makes a non-committal noise.

“You don’t sleep alone much anymore, do you?”

“No,” Alec answers eventually. He can’t help but feel defensive because he’s sure Simon spends most of his nights with Izzy, and he fell asleep easily enough. He can sense a calmness and steady heartbeat through the bond, so clearly Jace isn’t having much trouble either.

So it’s just him. Alec is the only one who’s so pathetic that he can’t sleep without someone specific sleeping beside him.

“That sucks,” Simon says. “But kind of sweet?”

“Sweet?” Alec asks despite himself.

“Yeah,” Simon asks, sounding more and more awake. “Like the big bad Inquisitor can’t calm his big bad brain without the soothing presence of the mighty high warlock by his side.”

“Okay,” Alec says with a tone that indicates the conversation is over.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” Simon says, apparently not understanding the intent of Alec’s tone. “Well, about the judgey teasing, not about the adorable charm of it all.”

“It’s not adorable,” Alec sighs. “Go to bed.”

“No, it is,” Simon says, face lighting up. “I’m sure Izzy is sleeping just fine, but I guarantee you that Magnus is as wide awake as you are.”

Alec feels himself relax, but he’s not sure why. “Go to bed, Daylighter.”

“Don’t be all sensitive about it,” Simon says. “I don’t think anyone would be surprised that you two need each other to sleep. With how intense you two are, it kind of checks out.”

Alec doesn’t say anything and instead turns on his side to face the wall.

“It makes sense,” Simon says, shifting so he’s propped up on his elbow to look at Alec’s back.

Alec really doesn’t want to engage, really doesn’t want to talk about his feelings with Simon, but he still finds himself shifting on to his back to stare at the ceiling and saying, “What makes sense?”

“Your intensity. It’s just – things are different for you two, you know? Probably just all you had to go through?”

Alec turns his head to give him a quizzical look. It’s not like Jace and Clary or Simon and Izzy had an easy go of it. “Meaning?”

Simon looks thoughtful for a minute. “I think you two appreciate things more, I guess. Magnus has lived for so long and seemed pretty, I don’t know – cynical? – when we met him. And you were a little, uh, shall we say repressed? – back before you knew him. I bet neither of you thought marriage was in the cards. Me, though, I never worried much about that stuff.”

Alec doesn’t say anything, but he does shift again so that he’s on his side to face Simon.

“Like the rest of us maybe take things for granted that you two never did,” Simon continues. “I think that’s why everything is just a little… _more_ for you.”

“Yeah,” Alec says eventually. “I guess.”

“Don’t get me wrong!” Simon rushes to add. “I love Isabelle and I know she loves me. But maybe things run a bit deeper for you two because of that. Maybe that’s why you’re more intense. Like really intense.”

There’s a bit of judgment there, or maybe just exasperation, but Alec doesn’t take offense to it. He gets what Simon is trying to say. The way he looks at Magnus, the intensity he’s felt since the very first time he saw him, he knows it probably wasn’t like that for everyone else. And it’s not like Alec thinks what he and Magnus have is better or more than the others have; it’s simply different. 

Izzy willingly relapsed to keep Simon alive, and Clary quite literally brought Jace back to life, so it’s not like they don’t know what intensity is. But Alec has heard from Jace’s own mouth that he wouldn’t have made the deal with Asmodeus that Alec did. None of them hurtled towards a whirlwind wedding ceremony out of the desperation to be officially married, out of that overwhelming need to swear an oath of _forever_.

The others have mastered a steady pace and a subtlety that Alec and Magnus never will.

“Yeah, okay,” Alec says, a little less hesitant than before.

Simon gives him a small smile then moves to switch the lamp off. They both settle back into bed, and Alec is finally heading towards sleep when he hears Simon quietly say, “I wouldn’t be embarrassed about it.”

“What?” Alec asks. “I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are,” Simon says with a voice that’s startlingly sincere. “There’s a reason Ananke set the rules she did.”

Alec doesn’t argue because he really wants the conversation to be over.

“It’s not one-sided, Alec,” Simon says. “And it’s really cool to witness that kind of unconditional… devotion.”

Alec can’t help his small smile, but it’s not like anyone could see it in the dark anyway. It’s not one-sided, and if Magnus isn’t self-conscious about it, why should he be?

“Thanks,” Alec says eventually.

Simon is startled into silence, and Alec finally falls asleep with his smile still lingering.

And when they meet the others in the lobby the next morning, Alec can’t avoid Simon’s pointed look when they see how exhausted Magnus looks.

“What’s so funny?” Magnus asks, eyeing them both.

“Nothing,” Simon answers, aiming a self-satisfied grin towards Alec.

Alec rolls his eyes but smiles despite himself. “Nothing,” he repeats.

“Inside jokes?” Magnus says with a raised eyebrow. He doesn’t look amused.

Alec can’t help it, the annoyed look on Magnus’ face and his sleepy eyes; he can’t help it. He leans down to give Magnus a chaste early-morning kiss, but he’s stopped halfway there by a forceful elbow in his side.

“Don’t you dare make a cuckold of me in public,” Simon says, faux-offended.

Alec begrudgingly stops himself then shoots Simon a look.

“What?” Simon asks with wide eyes. He reaches for Alec’s hand. “Shall we?”

“Oh my god,” Alec says to himself. Just like that, Alec’s momentary fondness for Simon evaporates, and he sees Magnus’ pleased smile out of the corner of his eye.

*

The six of them make their way back to the small, dark antique store. It’s completely empty but eventually, the small man that Ananke showed them the image of in the apartment appears from a back room. 

Eugene looks surly already, and when he sees the six of them huddled by the front counter, his face turns suspicious. "How can I help you?” he asks, and the fact that he knows they are not his regular clientele is evident in the frostiness of his tone.

Not one for pleasantries, Magnus pulls the egg out of his pocket. “This,” Magnus says. “We’d like to propose a trade.”

Eugene’s eyes open, but he then schools his face into a neutral expression. “Where did you get this?” he asks.

“I’m afraid we can’t provide the specifics,” Magnus tells him. “But we know you have something equally as valuable.”

“How?” he asks. “What makes you think you know anything of my inventory?" 

"A trustworthy source,” Jace pipes in. “He needs it for something, and he’s apparently been tracking its whereabouts for centuries." 

"Oh?” Eugene says, and Alec can’t tell if he’s buying it or not. “And who might this source be?" 

"Like he said,” Jace says, gesturing to Magnus, “It has to remain private." 

Eugene regards them coolly. "Then I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

“Please!” Izzy calls out theatrically, and Alec resists an eyeroll. “It’s to save a life!" 

Eugene is quiet again, and makes eye contact with each of them, gaze calculating. "Do you think I can’t tell you’re from the Shadow World?" 

Alec is briefly taken aback because this may not go well if he’s already on to them. 

"What do you mean?” Jace asks, and he’s impressively convincing. 

“Please,” he says. “Don’t insult me. I can spot vampires and werewolves from a mile away, much less when they walk into my store wanting to trade ancient artifacts.”

“Right,” Clary says slowly. “Just a bunch of shifty vampires.”

“Hey!” Simon says from next to Alec. 

“I find it difficult to believe that you don’t conduct business with vampires. Your collection speaks otherwise,” Magnus tells him, sounding almost bored.

It… does things to Alec when he’s reminded that Magnus is the smartest person in the room.

Eugene’s eyes slide over Magnus, roaming up and down in a condescending way that has Alec immediately defensive. 

"And what are you supposed to be?” he scoffs. “Haute couture of the undead; how quaint.”

Magnus doesn’t rise to the bait. “Those are bottles of Egyptian bloodstain remover, and that’s a Victorian grave dirt jar,” he says, pointing to a few items behind the counter. “Who’s your target clientele for those items, may I ask?”

Eugene seems unimpressed, but he still deigns to answer. “I have no qualms with vampires or werewolves; this store thrives with their business. It’s those that deal with the Shadowhunters and the warlocks I mistrust.”

“Do we look like we deal with Shadowhunters?” Jace asks, feigning disgust. “What kind of vampires would we be?”

Eugene spares him a quick glance before continuing, “Many warlocks would like to get their hands on this spindle. You know its magical properties, and so you must also know it would make some of them even richer than they already are.”

“Okay, again, do we look like we deal with warlocks?” Jace asks.

“Honestly, I don’t quite know,” Eugene says. “They very well may have sent you here to obtain it, knowing I would have nothing to do with them directly.”

“What’s – what’s your beef with warlocks?” Simon asks cautiously. “Like, you just seem really fixated on that specific demographic.”

“Do you mean besides the fact that they’re selfish, promiscuous, and completely corrupt? They care about no one other than themselves and treat everyone else as expendable debris. They think their time on Earth makes them above others, but all it does is make them incapable of friendship and impossible to love.”

Alec tenses and balls his hands into fists by his side. Jace shoots him a warning glance, but Alec ignores it.

“You seem to have limited experiences with warlocks,” Magnus muses. “I can’t imagine why; you really are quite charming.”

Eugene narrows his eyes. “You want me to take criticism from _you_? Look at you, all dressed up like you have someone to impress. The makeup, the hair, the polish. You’re a weak excuse for a vampire.”

Alec clenches his fists until it hurts, and Jace seems to take the hint.

“Hey, guy, calm down. This here is the – my boyfriend is the hottest vampire I know.”

Simon lets out an affronted sigh.

“He’s hot and, you know, fancy clothes, and hot, and just, muscles and – hot,” Jace says, struggling.

“I think what he’s trying to say,” Alec interrupts, “is that –”

Izzy clearly knows where this is going because she immediately starts speaking, though Alec can’t hear anything around the ringing in his ears. As she starts a heated, fervent discussion, Jace quickly makes his way over to Alec.

“Hey, you need to take a walk around the shop or something,” Jace tells him quietly. They both watch Eugene, who looks defensive and startled by Izzy’s ongoing impassioned plea.

“What?” Alec asks skeptically. “I’m not leaving.”

Jace shakes his head. “This guy hates Shadowhunters, Alec, and he seems to know enough about the Shadow World to make this potentially dicey. If he’s going to recognize anyone, it’s going to be the Inquisitor.”

Alec frowns. “I’m not that recognizable.”

“You are,” Jace argues with raised eyebrows. “And your marriage to a warlock isn’t exactly low-profile. And _you’re_ not very low-profile when it comes to defending Magnus’ honor.”

When Alec gives him a defensive look, Jace sighs. “Look, I’ll take care of it. Just do a sweep of the store while Izzy does her thing.”

Alec hesitates, then watches as Clary and Simon join Izzy at the counter.

“You’re going to give us away, especially if he makes even just one more crack at Magnus,” Jace insists. “Let us handle it.”

Alec finally concedes and makes his way through the narrow aisles of the stores. He finds a variety of items, a lot of which don’t appear to be authentic. When he comes across a shelf of jewelry in the back corner, though, he gives pause. The bracelets are a bit gaudy, and the watches seem to be synthetically aged, but some of the items seem genuine. There’s a ring that reminds Alec of the ones Magnus wears every day, this one with an _L_ in solid block letters. There’s also a long chain necklace with alternating silver beads and amber gems that Alec wants to see on Magnus _immediately_ after they get home. He grabs both and takes him time to head back to the front.

There’s still an exchange going on with Eugene, but Alec stays out of it after Jace meets his eyes and shakes his head in warning. Magnus and Izzy are heatedly discussing the spindle with Eugene, and Simon sidles up to him slowly.

“It was a good call to stay away,” Simon says quietly. “Hang back; I keep thinking he’s going to figure it out.“

"Like I said, it’s not for sale,” Eugene bites out loudly.

“We don’t want to buy it,” Izzy sighs with a frustration that makes Alec wonder how many times she had to say it while he was wandering. “We want to trade, and we know how important this primordial – um, primal egg is to you." 

It’s a lie but Eugene doesn’t seem to pick up on it. 

"And I told _you_ , I don’t make deals with Downworlders,” he snaps.

“So make it with me,” Simon says. “You already called me a mundane, among a few other hurtful things, I might add.”

Eugene’s eyes are still narrowed. “And how do I know you won’t sell it to the first warlock that offers you a pretty penny?" 

"Because warlocks are the _worst_ , like you said, and super sketchy, and I just wouldn’t, okay?" 

Before Eugene can answer, Magnus takes a step closer to the counter. 

"What was her name?” he asks carefully.

Eugene’s mouth snaps shut. “Whose name?” he says. 

Undeterred, Magnus says, “The warlock who broke your heart.”

The whole room is silent, and even Alec, who knows Magnus better than anyone, is surprised at his candor. This man is judgmental and icy; there’s no way he’s going to open up to a man he’s repeatedly belittled. 

“She was – it was a long time ago,” Eugene answers, looking surprised at his honesty. Alec can’t help but wonder if Magnus is doing something to… magically encourage this conversation.

“Time may dull the pain,” Magnus says in the same careful tone, “But it doesn’t erase it." 

Everyone is still quiet, and Jace and Alec share a quick look. Neither of them really knows how this is going to play out. 

"Adelaide,” Eugene tells them, still a little baffled at how forthcoming he’s being. “We had been together for five years when I asked her to marry me. And she – she said no. It was gentle and kind, but it was still a no.”

He meets Magnus’ eyes before continuing. “For a few years, I accepted it, but when I finally broke things off, she didn’t even seem surprised. She was sad,” Eugene says, tone wistful and melancholy, “but not _very_. She accepted our end long before I did, and it wasn’t until then that I realized ten years to me was mere seconds to her." 

"I’m so sorry,” Magnus says after Eugene falls silent. “That must have been very difficult.”

“But I don’t know if all warlocks are like that, though,” Clary speaks up. “And maybe she was sad, too." 

He lets out a bitter laugh. "She isn’t. Trust me, warlocks aren’t meant to settle down. It isn’t in their nature.”

Alec balls his hands into fists again, trying to prevent himself from defending the husband he’s pretending not to have. 

Jace seems to pick up on Alec’s frustration. “Look, sir, I know you’ve had bad experiences, and I don’t blame you for not trusting us. But this spindle, it’s important to us.”

Eugene gives him another appraising look and is about to speak when the bell above the front door opens, a young couple quickly stepping through. 

“Come by after closing,” Eugene says after consideration. “We can discuss the terms of a potential trade then.”

The six of them share a look, and Alec catches Magnus’ eyes. Magnus shrugs slightly because it’s not a yes, but it’s not a no either. 

As they move to leave, Alec lets the rest of them pass so he can hand the ring, the necklace, and a bunch of money to Jace. “Buy these,” he whispers under his breath. 

Jace eyes him warily. 

“Hey, you’re the one who said I can’t be obvious about it." 

Jace shrugs, conceding, and walks to the register while Alec waits for him outside. 

They go to the small diner across the street to kill some time before going back to the antique store. He deliberately makes sure to sit opposite from Magnus instead of pressed up close in the long, narrow booth. For all he knows, Ananke will stop by with a pot coffee to check in. Sitting next to Magnus after the lonely day he’s had – Alec just isn’t willing to take the chance. He’s a little touch-starved for the first time in – well, he can’t even remember how long, and he doesn’t want to risk his reaction to even just Magnus’ hand on his. 

Izzy and Clary spend most of the dinner discussing their backstory. They come up with a weird amalgamation of plots stolen from the romance movies Izzy’s always had a secret soft spot for, and from storylines of the sci-fi movies Clary probably watched with Simon throughout childhood. 

Meanwhile, Alec watches as Jace talks and Magnus listens. Who knows what stories he’s telling, but it doesn’t really matter. Jace is only having fun with this because he knows it annoys Alec. He loves trying-but-failing to flirt with Magnus because Magnus has always been the one person that liked Alec more than him. Alec will never forget the offended, _stunned_ expression on Jace’s face when Magnus clarified who the real pretty boy was. 

So Alec sits there quietly, and Simon lets him, though he occasionally throws out a _darling try these potatoes_ or _sweetheart can you pass the salt._ Alec shakes his head to himself. But lets him. 

And that’s when it clicks for Alec. The others are having fun because this is new and harmless and exciting. But Alec – he’s done this all before. He pretended to be someone else for years, and there wasn’t anything harmless or exciting about it. It was stifling and never-ending. 

His loneliness doesn’t stem from not spending time with Magnus or not sleeping alongside him or not being pressed up close in a booth. He’s lonely because _he’s not allowed_ to do those things, and it’s painfully reminiscent of a life he left behind. 

He meets Magnus’ gaze, and there’s a sympathy there that Alec can’t look away from. He’s not sure how much longer he can keep this up. 

They walk around the city for an hour but finally circle back around to stop back at the store. Eugene answers the door almost immediately after Jace knocks. He doesn’t say anything as he lets them in. 

When they’re crowded around the glass case counter in the front of the store, Eugene pulls the small wooden spindle from somewhere by his feet. 

"You must be very, very careful with this. It’s been in my family for generations.”

Everyone is quiet, clearly surprised he’s agreed to the trade. 

“That egg has sentimental value, however,” he continues. “And I trust that the spindle will end up in safe hands.”

“It will,” Magnus tells him. “And we’re very appreciative of your generosity." 

Eugene nods but doesn’t make eye contact as he carefully packages the fragile spindle into a cushioned box. 

After the exchange, everyone makes a hasty exit for the door, but Alec hangs back. 

"I – I’m sorry for what you went through,” Alec says carefully. “But I hope you don’t give up on people." 

Eugene huffs out a bitter laugh, but he doesn’t say anything, and Alec takes it as permission to continue. 

"I don’t think they’re all like that,” Alec says. “Warlocks, I mean. l think some can be kind and generous.”

“Sure, sure,” Eugene says dismissively. “Do you know how many warlocks I’ve dealt with over the course of my life? Yes, of course I’ve met decent ones. But that’s how they _are_ , not how they _love._ ”

Off Alec’s silence, he says, “Kid, warlocks come in all shapes and sizes. They can be condescending and selfish, though I’ve seen a few with some good in their hearts. But love? Their hardened hearts don’t know the first thing about it. To love someone the way we do? Ready to give up everything we have for the one we love? Ready to swear in front of family that we’ll protect them until the end?” He shakes his head and sighs before continuing, “No, I’ve never seen a warlock in my life make that kind of sacrifice or oath. Neither will you." 

Alec doesn’t know what to say, so he nods and lets the words ring in his head. 

The others are debating staying another night when Alec walks up. "No,” he says sharply. “I want to go home. I’m done with this." 

"Alec, it’s only a few more hours,” Izzy starts.

“It’s just – who knows the next time we’ll be mundane Canadians, you know?” Jace adds. 

“I’m not staying the night in another hotel,” Alec tells them.

“Okay, how about this, we stop at a bar then head to the airport for a red-eye home?” Clary suggests. 

Alec looks around and starts to feel guilty for bringing down the energy. The four of them are still having fun playing the game, and Magnus is probably ready for a drink after the last twenty-four hours, so he caves. “Fine, but only for a quick drink.”

They find a small bar closer to the city, and the others go inside while he waits on the sidewalk for a minute. Magnus hangs back, and Alec’s now at the point where he has to physically restrain himself from reaching out to just _touch_. 

“You seem stressed,” Magnus says. 

Being alone with him makes Alec ache. “I’m ready for home. I’m ready for our bed,” he says. 

“Me, too,” Magnus agrees. “Watching you and Simon cozy up all weekend…”

Alec rolls his eyes but laughs in spite of himself. “Yeah, whatever." 

Magnus seems pleased to have finally coaxed a smile from Alec. "Don’t get me wrong, I’ve thoroughly unenjoyed this trip. It’s been unpleasant from start to finish. I miss being able to touch you when I want,” he says. “But you seem to be miserable for different reasons.”

Alec pauses. “It’s just – this isn’t the game for me that it is for everyone else,” Alec says, shrugging. 

“Alexander,” Magnus says, his lips quirking into a smile. “You’re not _actually_ jealous –”

“No,” Alec says dismissively. “It’s _Jace_.”

Magnus doesn’t reply, just waits patiently for Alec to explain.

“Jace is loving this, you know, pretending to flirt with the only person that ever liked me more than him,” Alec tells him. “Izzy and Clary, they love these wild romantic backstories. And Simon – he lights up every time I roll my eyes at one of his stupid terms of endearment.”

Magnus watches him, expectant.

“Playing make-believe, playing pretend, to them it’s a game,” Alec continues. “But I spent most of my life pretending to be someone else. The last thing I’ve ever wanted to do is go back to that. When you –” Alec pauses and sighs. “After we got together, I never once looked back, Magnus. Pretending I don’t love you or that we’re not married, that’s not fun for me. This has been so long and tedious, just an entire weekend of being a fake version of me again. Acting like I’m not fazed by any of this, by losing all of the things you and I fought for, it’s like a bad dream, not a game.”

Magnus smiles softly. “I don’t think I’m the only person that’s ever liked you more than Jace,” is all he says.

Alec inwardly groans. “ _That’s_ what you heard?”

Magnus takes a step closer and looks around quickly before pulling Alec’s hands into his own. “I hear you, Alexander,” he says quietly. “I do.”

Alec sighs and tugs Magnus another step closer. “I know it’s not a big deal; I know it’s silly to get worked up over this. I can make it a little while longer.”

“Silly?” Magnus asks, taken aback. “Not one word of that was silly. You’re the most genuine person I’ve ever met, so of course you’d struggle with being anything less than who you are.”

Alec gives him a lopsided smile and says, “Okay, let’s go get this over with, Mr. Lightwood-Bane.” 

They walk back into the bar and join the others as they order their drinks. The bartender is eyeing Izzy and Clary warily, and Alec is pretty sure he doesn’t want to know what he missed.

Magnus leaves Alec’s side to make his way over to Jace, and Alec feels himself deflate a little. Those few minutes alone together, of not having to pretend, he didn’t realize how much he needed it until it was gone. He stands next to Simon reluctantly but looks up suddenly when he hears Magnus sigh dramatically, “Shadowhunter, I have a confession.”

Jace’s eyes widen as he meets Magnus’ gaze. “‘ _Shadowhunter’_?” he says under his breath. “Magnus, what are you doing?”

“There’s something I should tell you,” Magnus says, ignoring Jace completely. 

Jace eyes him warily. “Okay,” he says slowly.

Magnus pauses and Alec can tell it’s solely for dramatic effect. “I’m in love with your brother.”

Jace looks at Alec out of the corner of his eye. “What are you _doing_ , Magnus?” he whispers.

“I can no longer hide it,” Magnus continues theatrically. “Your parabatai has stolen my heart.” He glances over to Alec and gives him a smile that’s meant for only the two of them. “I guess I have a weakness for tall men with dark hair and well, just look at those eyes.”

Jace’s eyes narrow. “I’m tall, okay. I’m a normal amount of tall.”

Alec watches Magnus and fights a smile. On one hand, he has a weakness for Magnus’ dramatic flourishes, but on the other hand, he knows exactly why Magnus is doing what he’s doing, and it makes him feel a little guilty.

Simon turns to face him and lets out an exaggerated gasp. “Alec, is this true?”

Alec glares at Simon, unimpressed.

“What have you _done_?” Simon asks with the same dramatic tone.

Izzy elbows him, but no one else speaks for a moment as they watch Magnus take a few steps closer and wrap his hands around the nape of Alec’s neck, tugging him down for a kiss.

And it’s a good kiss. It’s long overdue, a little dirty, and almost long enough to make up for two days of isolation.

Alec pulls eventually and rests his forehead against Magnus’. They failed the mission, obviously they did, but Alec can’t bring himself to care.

“So wait, how many drinks am I making?“ the bartender interrupts. He looks equal parts confused and bored. "And who is on whose tab?”

“Oh, they won’t need any more drinks tonight,” a cheery voice says from behind them. “They can have a glass of wine in the privacy of their own home.”

Alec turns slowly to see Ananke standing behind them, a bright smile on her face.

“What?” he asks suspiciously. They’ve failed her challenge and she’s smiling, which can’t mean anything good.

“You did so well,” she says, all-out beaming now.

“We did well,” Jace repeats. “Including the part where Magnus dumped me in front of everyone and left me for my parabatai?”

“Yes!” she says excitedly, clapping her hands together. “Especially that part.”

Magnus watches her carefully. “Which means what, exactly?”

Ananke is still smiling, and she shrugs. “I know I introduced myself as the Goddess of Necessity – which I am – but I also go by another name. The Goddess of _Inevitability_.”

She glances between all six of them and waits for them to catch up.

“Inevitability,” Magnus says, partially to himself. “Which means –”

“Which means you did exactly what I hoped you’d do!” she says excitedly before pausing. “Well, what I knew you’d do, if we’re being specific.”

Alec looks to Magnus and gives him that crooked smile he loves.

“So if you’ll follow me outside, Mr. Lightwood-Bane can create a portal for us to return home,” she adds. 

Alec holds out his hand and Magnus grabs it, and it’s like an immediate release. Magnus’ skin on his, innocuous as it is, is everything he needs. 

As they step back into the apartment, a flutter of conversation happens at once. They all seem to be in a rush to dissect the weekend’s events and rehash some of their funniest memories. Magnus squeezes Alec’s hand before pulling away. “I’m getting us a drink,” he says with a wink, though he sounds tired. Alec is hesitant to let him go, but he does. 

As he stares after him, skin itchy and impatient, he feels Ananke take a step closer. 

“It was important for you to see,” she says softly. The overly chipper voice from earlier is gone, replaced by a quiet sincerity. “I think maybe you don’t know it sometimes.”

Alec turns to watch her, hesitant. “Know what?”

“Who he _is_ ,” she answers. “The man you know, he’s changed so much, but you didn’t see enough of him before to really appreciate that.”

“I appreciate it,” he says defensively. “I know what he’s given up to be with me.”

“Given up?” she asks, eyes wide. “No, no, Alec. It’s what you have _given_ him. The words Eugene said before, those are true.”

Alec is quiet.

“Everyone can see how _you’ve_ changed, Alec. They can see how Magnus changed you, what just knowing him did to you. That much has always been obvious to you and your friends,” she explains in a gentle tone. “But I don’t think any of you realize you’ve done the same for him.”

Alec looks over to Magnus to watch him as he moves around the apartment to make a drink, and Ananke’s words hit him. This is not the man he saw in the pictures. The man slouched on a couch, men and women draped over him, bored and impassive. 

The stories Alec has heard – the detached Magnus unable to handle the world, the lothario always ready for a bit of fun, the dangerous warlock amassing power – this is not the Magnus standing in front of him.

This Magnus sacrificed everything for the man he loved. This Magnus chose a Shadowhunter. This Magnus is faithful and committed and _married._

“The two of you,” she continues, “were meant to happen, and to happen in the exact way that you did. Nothing has ever been accidental or unintentional with you. He had to live through the heartbreaks he did in order to be kind and gentle, to be the patient and generous man you fell in love with. And you had to suffer through the loneliest years of your life so that you knew how to run _towards_ something and not away from it.”

Alec swallows thickly as he continues to watch his husband. “Okay,” he calls out abruptly. “Everyone out.”

The room quiets, and Ananke gives him a satisfied smile. “You’re welcome,” she whispers before disappearing.

Alec doesn’t watch her go; instead he stares at Magnus, who’s watching him curiously.

Izzy follows Alec’s heated gaze and realizes why they’re being unceremoniously kicked out. “Sure thing, Alec,” she says with a wink, tugging Simon towards the door.

After Jace and Clary follow them out and close the door behind them, Alec stalks over to Magnus, who looks wide-eyed and confused when Alec places his palm on Magnus’ chest and _pushes_.

Once Magnus has his back pressed to the wall, Alec leans in to press a bruising kiss. “I didn’t know,” he says, breathless.

Magnus seems startled but doesn’t pull back. 

“I didn’t know,” he repeats in between kisses. “You’re so different.”

“Different?” Magnus says, breathless. “From what?”

Alec ignores him at first, in favor of lining their bodies up just _right_. “From before.”

“From before what?” he asks, pulling back slightly.

“From before me,” Alec says, voice hoarse. He tries to lean in for another kiss, but Magnus cups Alec cheek to stop him.

“Are you okay?” Magnus asks, concerned.

Alec looks at him pointedly. “Well, we could have fewer clothes,” he says.

Magnus doesn’t laugh like Alec thought he would. “Are you okay?” he repeats.

Alec grins. “Magnus, I’m great.”

“What’s going on?” Magnus asks, suspicious.

“She just – she pointed some things out, that’s all.”

“What things?” Magnus asks, trying to gently nudge Alec back.

But Alec doesn’t budge. Instead he leans down to kiss the corner of Magnus’ mouth before pulling back and doing it again to the other side. “Just that I changed you,” Alec says softly against his lips.

Magnus pulls back, looking startled again. “Did you not know that?”

“Well, yeah, of course,” Alec says. “I didn’t realize how much, though.”

“I don’t understand,” Magnus replies. 

Alec cups his face. “Those things Eugene said, that’s not you.”

“Of course it’s not me,” he says, still confused. 

“But it _was_ ,” Alec says. “You used to be some of those things. But you met me, loved me, chose me and _married_ me.”

Magnus’ eyes soften. “Alexander, I have never loved anyone the way I loved you. Did you not know that?" 

"I did, I _do_ ,” Alec argues. “But it’s also a little hard to believe that someone like me made such an impact on someone like you.”

Magnus smiles. “And Ananke helped you figure that out?” he asks skeptically with a raised eyebrow. 

“Yeah,” he realizes with a frown. “I guess she did.”

Magnus let’s out a small hum and stares at Alec’s mouth. “Well I hate to ruin this tender moment, but I believe you initially had other intentions when you shoved me against this wall?" 

Alec swallows and his gaze turns heated again.

"Right,” he says, throat already dry. He lifts Magnus off the ground, back still shoved against the wall, until he’s high enough to wrap his legs around Alec’s waist. He stumbles backwards, trying to focus on Magnus mouth sucking on his deflect rune while also focusing on nuzzling behind Magnus’ ear while _also_ trying to remember how to walk and remain upright. 

Finally, they make it to the bed and Alec lowers Magnus carefully but then unceremoniously falls on top of him. 

And the last thing he thinks before he loses coherent thought is, _he chose me._


End file.
